Wowsers! This Michigan Home Takes the Worst of the ’70s Doesn’t Hold Back

July is my CandyDirt.com anniversary. That’s right, it’s been four years since I started writing about whackidoo homes and it has been quite the eye-opener. Not only have mirrors been hung is the most questionable of locales, urinals found a home in the kitchen and, with underlighting becoming a thing in the world of home decor, it has led me to wrap it all up with one word: wowsers.

Now when I say wowsers I don’t mean it like “Oh wow, I didn’t know that. How interesting.” I mean it like “Wowsers, those people are nuts!” or, “Wowsers, choices were made!” or, “Wowsers, these people never left the ‘70s!” Well my peoples, the house featured in this week’s column encompasses all three examples. 

Yeah, like this lady here, you need to have your hands firmly on your hips for this house. We need to call Carol Brady and tell her that her home has run away to Michigan and is drunk again.

I love the built-in desk and shelves. The disco lighting and parquetesque vinyl flooring is a hard stop.

Choices were made. Someone thought they were being oh so smart in matching the flowers and the accents on the drapes with the wrinkled, red, flower-pattern carpet. How does one go about wrinkling carpet? Oy vey.

Without a doubt, Roseanne Rosannadanna would have zero problems with this house.

Ah yes, the bathroom that is so beige and so boring that it also works as a sleeping aid. How hard do you think it was to find the smallest bathroom mirror known to man?

The obligatory wood paneling found in all homes during the ‘70s. They get bonus points for it being turd brown. Mercy.

Two separate rooms but they remind me of someone.

The Bert wallpaper – a classic. Okay, enough warm up for your people. Now you’re going to see the real horror.

Wowsers! 

That may be the most accurate gif I have ever used in my life. The wallpaper is something but the carpeting is so incredibly blue and you combine that with the wallpaper on the ceiling it’s just… holy crap. If you think you’ll find sweet relief in the bathroom, you are wrong.

The blue bead light fixture that allows you to still see the bulb is mwah. 

Imagine trying to go down these stairs. The maiming that would occur would be biblical and the slammer is that you would be looking at that wallpaper as you fall.

I’ll say it again, wowsers. Happy anniversary Wednesday WTF. The real estate gods outdid themselves this week.

See more of this Gaylord, Michigan home priced at $329,000.