Someone Bought This House

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You know how sometimes the house we find (or, rather the house that finds us) for the Wednesday WTF kind of eases you into some impressive WTFery? 

This is not that listing. 

This house is WTF from the start. The outside is maybe the only thing that is OK, and even then, yeah.


Now, a few caveats — the home was listed “as is,” which is code for, “Go with God, because something bad is about to happen to you.”

Sometimes it’s Satan. Sometimes it’s a love of the 80s even though the home was built in 2010. Sometimes the Realtor needed to hire spiritual advisors. Or there’s blood in the basement.

In this case, it’s uh, well, a lot. It’s a lot. I mean, sure, there’s no Satan (in fact, you’ll see there is a lot of Jesus in this house), and no blood, but well, it’s a whole thing.

So I guess we start at the beginning. The living room, where one photo can’t adequately display all the a lot going on.

If you’re keeping track at home, yes, that is three different kinds of wall covering in one room.

So, would you like to see the kitchen?

No, I do not know why the rangetop (at least, I think it’s the rangetop) is upholstered.

I also don’t understand why the passthrough has an awning and is also apparently blocked off. None shall pass through this pass through.

I did mention Jesus, right? Because there is a lot of Jesus here.

In the den …

The den that has a creche, to be clear.

Worried about your kid getting into some hanky panky in their bedrooms? Not with Jesus watching. They’ll have both feet on the floor and the door wide open with Christ keeping watch over all the proceedings.

And yes, the other bedrooms are also built-in birth control, too.

In conclusion, I should remind you that this house has a pending offer, so somebody bought it. Are they renovating (a lot)? Do they love it as-is? We don’t know. But yes, someone did buy this house.

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Adlene Neely Dealey

Adlene has been a real estate writer for the better half of a decade, but only recently came to to write our Wednesday WTF column. Have a doozy of a listing not fit for public consumption? She wants to see it.

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