Killer Bro Left Nothing to the Imagination in This Tennessee Home

“Let your imagination run wild” is how the description begins of the house featured in this week’s column. If I or any woman let our imagination run wild we would be strapping on our sneakers and running for dear life. You see, this house was designed by a killer bro. My dachshund legs would be pumping like nothing you’ve ever seen.

Accurate. Now back to this house. This column is a missive to my sisters who live in Hixson, Tennessee. To them I say, smash the patriarchy and gurl, you better run.

So you walk in the house and everything seems fine but then you notice the stairs. Imagine you are running for dear life to get out of the house. You are barreling down the stairs and then BAM! You catch air because killer bro ran out of carpeting for the last five steps. 

As you are lying on the floor after your fall, your eyes focus on the ceiling. It’s all black. Killer bro went with an all-black ceiling and crown molding that makes no sense.

Now, don’t dilly dally staring at the ceiling because killer bro is still after you. You scramble to your feet and run to the kitchen to get a weapon. It is at this point you realize just how much danger you are in because killer bro has three types of cabinets in the kitchen and the refrigerator in another room. Only a true madman would do such a thing.

From the kitchen, you run to the garage.

Uh-oh. Killer bro has turned the garage into a dining room for your last meal. No, make that a craft and game room with a black ceiling. You bolt back into the house and find a bedroom.

If that deformed panda could speak, do you know what he would say? “Becky gurl, you betta run!” And where does dumb-dumb Becky run to, if not straight into killer bro’s lair?

That’s it. Becky is a goner.

The sign above the door literally says, “Autopsy Room.” There’s a moving dolly next to the mini fridge to move heavy things around and apparently, killer bro is into antique medical equipment because he has it framed and hung all around the room.

Oh, just so you know, in case you are thirsty and think of grabbing something to drink from the mini fridge, you may want to reconsider. The sign on the fridge says “embalming supplies.” Killer bro is prepared. That only leaves one thing to say.

Run Becky, run for your life!!!

This nearly 3,000-square-foot home is located on a corner lot in Hixson, Tennessee.