Admit One: Modern Ohio Home Has Us Wondering This Blockbuster’s Back Story

Ohio, Ohio, Ohio, who hurt you? Home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Neil Armstrong, and Cincinnati Chili, who would think that a state that produced such utterly cool people, diversions, and deliciousness would have a home like the one featured in this week’s column. So I ask again Ohio, who hurt you baby?

Do not roll your eyes at me Morgan Freeman. I get paid seven figures to write about these nutty houses. That reminds me, Ohio is also known for buckeyes. Just make sure you roast buckeyes before eating or else they can cause vomiting, diarrhea, paralysis, or death. I digress.

In the category of you never know what is going on inside someone’s mind or their home, this lovely two-bedroom, four-and-a-half bath modern house is located in Port Clinton, Ohio. Let me just say that coming from someone who lives in a two-bedroom, one-bath house, the ratio of bathrooms to bedrooms in this house is perfect.

I think the front door is brilliant. To afford the $4.9 million price tag I would install a ticket window at the front, too. “Want to come in for a visit? That will be $15.50 please.”

You know what else Ohio is known for? Corn. Lots of corn. So much corn that hanging a silo around your light fixture makes perfect sense.

If that silo leaves you craving popcorn, head to the kitchen(s). You have a super shiny modern kitchen in which you do absolutely nothing because every fingerprint will be seen from across the house, and then the rustic wood kitchen where you actually cook. They both fall in to the category of being “a lot, lot.”

So you have paid your $15.50 and you have grabbed your bag of popcorn, let’s head on over to the living room and catch a movie.

Nothing says comfort like indoor boulders and couches set far from the television. You could sit on the boulders I guess. If you are lucky they will hatch and you will have a pet dragon. I know, it does not make a lot of sense but neither does having big heavy stones as seating in your living room.

On to the bedrooms. You have your choice of sensations — sleeping in a cargo container or swaying back and forth in beds held up by chains. Make sure you have that Dramamine on board before going to bed.

Okay, you have paid $15.50, you have your popcorn, and you have walked around the house. Let us wrap this up in the home theatre.

The theatre is ensconced in velvet everywhere but the carpeting. Why? Why go with that carpeting? Why?

For more photos of this Ohio home that sits in the gated community of Catawba Cliffs and fronts Lake Erie, see more of this listing on Realtor.com.