homicideI’m not sure what it says when two different people send you two different stories about murder houses in a week, but hi, it’s Wednesday and we’re going to talk about homicide and houses.

No, not houses where the photography is so bad, or the cleaning so derelict that it looks like a murder house, but actual, bonafide, houses where someone was sent to take a dirt nap, offed, dispatched, and/or lansbury’d.

Hi, that last one was courtesy of the way back machine.

And, to be clear, we’re not making light of murder. The WTF is more about uh, wondering who would be involved in what you do with a house after a murder, because there is no way in uh, aitch-ee-double-hockeysticks you’d see the week stomached-us able to do any of the jobs we’re about to describe.

So anyway, someone first sent me this article from Rolling Stone, about Randall Bell. “Who is Randall Bell?” you ask.

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charming

Look, it’s got stained glass and everything. What could possibly go wrong?

So, about 20 awesome readers of the Wednesday WTF sent me this listing for this uh, charming abode in Australia. So obviously, it’s this week’s column, right?

I mean, I’ll be honest, at first this rock house seems like a real historic charmer. It has a clawfoot tub, for chrissakes, which everyone knows means it’s both historic and fancy.

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iPhone

So, we’ve talked about the value good real estate photography can have for a listing, and how hiring a professional is cheaper than your first price reduction, right? And we’ve talked about how even though your smart phone has a camera, it’s not for listing photos, it’s for snapping pictures of your food and your dog?

Good, glad we had this talk.

Because settle in, kids, as I give you an object lesson in why we keep telling everyone to hire someone who knows what they’re doing.

Meet Nashville Realtor Miguel Calvo. Calvo published a bunch of photos for a listing, and um, one of them was not a bug, nor a feature, but a huuuuuuuuge mistake.

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headline

Oh, this is a hint.

So, hi. I hope you aren’t currently eating your breakfast, because I couldn’t put what today’s Wednesday WTF was about in the headline because, well, it’ll put you off your feed entirely.

You see, this week’s story comes from (as many of the best WTFs do) Florida, where a couple bought a luxury vacation home in West Palm Beach that they can’t even use. “Why?” you ask?

Well, it seems they have a bit of a bird problem. Now, true story, I think you all should know that birds may have everyone thinking they’re sweet and sometimes help cartoon princesses make ballgowns, but many birds are mean and evil and scary.

Nice, dress-making birds

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apartmentsEveryone knows (or almost everyone) that living in an apartment can blow. If you are blissfully unaware of how bad apartment life can be, we applaud you on your foresight to be born into a family with a palatial mansion and zero desire to make you live on your own at a tender age.

But as bad as some of the apartments I’ve lived in (I mean, it told you about the landlord who I found using my shower because she “liked my soap,” while her goat, Martin Sheen, ate my underwear), the “micro-apartments” these two Manhattan landlords the New York City buildings department busted last week take the cake.  (more…)

fierySo, say you have this listing, and it’s been pretty much destroyed in a fiery disaster at some point. And say you have access to a picture from the day it caught fire. And say you know the value of the property is in the land. 

Now, some might just list the property with say, the Google maps image. But Realtor Dylan Jaeck decided to make lemonade from his en fuego citrus, and did something a bit unconventional to make sure he could still catch a potential buyer’s attention. (more…)

Norway

Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons

So it turned out to be a joke, but the entire island of Sommarøy in Norway decided to pull a fast one and got dozens of media outlets to write about how they were just doing away with the concept of time.

But boy, did they have everyone going there for a minute. And they were super cool about it, too.  (more…)

compound

Photos courtesy Yitiao TV

I haven’t been single in quite some time, but I’m sure anyone who has can remember the horrific strings of dates, the bad breakups, and other lackluster interactions with the opposite sex that had you (often with the help of Jim, Jose, Jack, Evan, Captain Morgan, or Stoli) declaring that you were giving it all up forever.

I mean, did I ever tell y’all about The Weeper? Ramen Noodle Trucker? Flaming Face Boy? Greasy Tracksuit? Duuuuuuuuude? Groundhog Date? Motley Pü?  (more…)