neutralTwo things about this house: One, click on the continued line of this column gingerly, dear readers; and two, can you go too neutral when decorating and staging your listing?

We frequently tell people (or, when we say we, we mean Karen Eubank, our stager extraordinaire) that you should make sure you don’t have anything uh, unusual or taste specific in your listing so that people don’t get fixated on something and completely forget to buy your house.

Today we’re going to look at this Midcentury Ranch that, once again, looks completely normal. Totally normal.

And then we go inside, where we enter a decorating scheme I’d like to call “beige on beige on beige.”

By now you should know that this isn’t the thing you should worry about as much as the thing that will probably come after you click “more.”

(more…)

bunniesDo you like rabbits? Like, lots of rabbits? Like all over your house with the bunnies? Have we got the Wednesday WTF for you.

No, seriously.

Yeah, yeah, I know that this house looks normal. But do you know me at all? Of course, there’s something else about this house. We. Do. Not. Do. Normal. In. The. WTF.

So yes, this appears to be a completely normal house in Houston. But you haven’t gotten in the front door yet, have you?

No, you haven’t.

Because … (more…)

Australia

The things this countertop has seen …

More than a few people sent me this week’s listing from Australia, which (in the grand tradition of the Wednesday WTF) is borderline NSFW but only if you work in like, a church or a kindergarten or maybe one of those towns where dancing is sinful.

For the rest of us, it’s probably just ridiculous.

So here’s the deal — a Realtor in Australia has this pricey listing he wants to gin up some enthusiasm for, and decides to make a video. Now, I see all of you nodding your heads and thinking, “That is exactly what I would do.”

Buuuuuuuuuut, this is the Wednesday WTF, so you know that what this guy did is probably not exactly what you would do. We’ve covered this before with the half nekkid people in Conroe and the sex dungeon basement in Maple Glen, Pennsylvania.

So he uh, made this video with two models dancing. A man and a woman. Dancing in the style of Frances “Baby” Houseman and Johnny Castle, but a little raunchier.

Then he sets it free on the intertubes for all to see, and the reaction was uh, probably not what he was looking for.

But first, let’s look at the video. I’m embedding it after this jump. Then we’ll do some play-by-play. (more…)

80s-era

Yeah, this is the only normal thing about this house and even that will be questioned.

By now, if you’ve been playing along at home every Wednesday, you know that if we show you an 80s-era Ranch that looks completely normal on the exterior elevation, we’re going to basically bait and switch you in the interior, right?

Good. Because that’s what we’re doing today with this house that came to me via Twitter, where everything terrible, awesome, horrific, and amazing lives.

So this is a four-bedroom, two-bath home with all kinds of entertaining space, including a large living room, a formal dining room, lots of room outside plus a pool, a historical burial plot in the front yard …

(more…)

Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Wanna live in Italy? Wanna buy a house for roughly $1.13? Wanna be famous? Did you know it’s Wednesday so all chances of this being the boon it sounds like are slim to none?

Yeah. Hi. It’s Wednesday.

Anywho, the municipality of Mussomeli, in Sicily, has what we call in the industry a metric butt-ton of abandoned homes for sale. You can buy one for one euro, which is basically $1.13 according to exchange rates when I was slaving away on Tuesday night writing this.

(more…)

Front door

There are 28 photos of this house and none of them show how to get in it.

We love reader submissions for the Wednesday WTF. I’ll be honest — sometimes the weirdness seems like it might not arrive by Tuesday night, and I sweat a bit. But today, someone sent us a listing that has 28 pictures of a condo, with no pictures of a front door, but plenty of uh, you’ll see.

In the real estate world, there is a certain phrase most Realtors advise their sellers to absorb: taste specific. As in, “Holy cow nobody will like these severed baby doll head planters so maybe you should relocate them to an understanding friends house,” might be considered insulting, but “Maybe the planters are a bit taste-specific for many buyers,” is a nice, gentle way to fix the problem.

front door

However, that is not this listing. This listing has 28 pictures, but none of how you get in. Maybe you teleport in. Maybe the puppy is a portal. You do, however, get several photos of uh, this.  (more…)

Forever

This week’s Wednesday WTF is a house in the Hamptons that the designers claimed would help you live forever.

Artist couple Madeline Gins and Arakawa created the home with the idea that it would put the practices of their belief of “reversible destiny” into practice. The Life-Span Extending Villa, also known as the Bioscleave House, sought to make an environment that felt off-balance so it would challenge the owner to always be alert and cautious when making their way through the structure, which in turn would serve as both abode and anti-aging device.

“It’s immoral that people have to die,” Gins told the New York Times in 2008. (more…)

San Francisco

Oh, just you wait.

It’s no secret that San Francisco’s housing market is one of the most expensive in the nation. One might even say that it’s very much the kind of market where you take what you get, and you don’t throw a fit — unless, of course, you’re stupidly stinking rich.

Then fit away, I suppose.

(more…)