New York Home Makes For a Great Joke With a President, a Mermaid and a Rock Star

“A president, a mermaid, and a rock star walk into a bar …” Actually they would walk into the house featured in this week’s column but let me tell you, a bar is a great second choice because this house is next to the station where the Crazytown Express makes daily stops.

Yeah baby, let us go because words fail to do this house justice. You need to see this to believe it.

Let us start at the entry. Bask in the glow of the 21-foot-cathedral ceilings and the fancy columns that do not reach said ceiling. Now the column in the center actually does touch the ceiling because that big boy is holding up the house but the other columns, they are there for style points. 

You just know the agent is having a good time at showings. “Make deals! Tell lies! Be the President of your household. Record secret conversations and don’t forget to have some fun with cigars!”

I will be perfectly honest. I am cry-laughing right now. That is how funny I think I am. I digress. Okay, okay. Let’s say you do not feel like playing president. Here is cosplay option 2.

Yeah, instead of playing president you can be a mermaid. Or, you can get yourself some claws and it can be a lobster tank.

I swear to you on everything good and holy in this world, if I ever visited this house I would make it my mission in this life to do the biggest cannonball known to man. Perhaps then they would rethink having an infinity pool in their house.

These days people like options. I get it. No one wants to be tied down to just one niche.

So enters the rock star. Not just any rock stay but a drummer. Let me tell you, after I was done with that cannonball, I would race down here and bang the ever-living crap out of that gong. Mimi is going downtown to Chinatown on that gong.

There’s one more room I want to show you. It has nothing to do with the joke but I just need to share.

At first you think it is the living room but then you look again and see the privacy blocks.

Uh-oh is what you should be thinking right now because this is where the joke ends.

Open-air bathroom that connects the sitting room with the bedroom. No doors needed. The picture of the shower is taken from where the toilet is located. So, follow me here, theoretically, you could simultaneously have a conversation with someone while they’re in the tub and with someone in the sitting room all while dropping deuce! Multi-tasking to a high art. LBJ would have loved this setup because he had no qualms dropping deuces in front of anybody.

Yes, yes they are but holy cow have I had a good time writing about this house and really, isn’t that what matters?

More photos can be found of this Wappingers Falls, New York home listed for $1.299 million.