Long Beach Home is Perfect for the Flouncy Pouncey Pirate in All of Us
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The opening salvo for this week’s column has been quite the challenge. The best way to describe this house is that it bears a strong resemblance to a pirate ship if said pirate ship were made out of rocks. Pirate ship, you ask? How in the name of everything good and holy does a house look like a pirate ship made of rocks. A pirate ship made of rocks would sink. That’s beside the point.
Additionally, (you know it’s bad when the word additionally is used), this is not your run of the mill swab ye the deck tough guy pirate ship. This is your flouncy pouncey, over-the-top fancy pants pirate ship that is made of rocks.
Let’s just get straight to the pictures. You just need to see this and then you can tell me what you think. We are going to start in the galley.
Rocks make up the fridge doors. You have a range hood made of rocks. It’s something. Even the front of the house has the same style.
The porch continues the rock motif. It’s dizzying. Now I know what you’re thinking. Where are the pirates in all of this? I got you.
Flouncy.
Pouncey.
Artsy, fartsy pirate ship décor.
The woodworking is incredible. No doubt you would find this in any respectable pirate ship. It is everything else that is a lot, a lot.
The intricacy is astounding. This room could easily be a pirate’s lounging area. Now, I am not a complete heathen. The detail needs to be appreciated but if you are not a pirate who knows how to care for this level of detail, then why? This home is located one block from coastal Long Beach so the upkeep is going to be unreal.
The star of this home however is the primary suite.
Ma’am indeed. Did you feel that? That was Michelangelo rolling over in his grave.
Naked dude on the ceiling and all I can focus on is how slippery those floors are going to be. The other thing I’m thinking is that if there were a ship it would sink straight to the bottom in record time with all that marble.
I love how Pirate Pete has gone all flouncy pouncey throughout the house but with a recreation of one of the most famous paintings in history, Adam’s foot is secondary to the recessed lighting. Priorities, am I right?
So there you go my peoples. What is your interpretation of this home? I can’t wait to hear.
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Did Pebbles live here?
It’s a stone’s throw from the beach.
I think this house rocks.
I’ll quit………………
Bravo sir. Nicely done. Wishing you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks for the read.
Argueddd matey, scuttle the port holes and flip the riggin’ prepare to walk the ( not the plank ) but the beautiful halls of this here magnificent home! I love it.
Wow, you are good. I deeply appreciate the pirate lingo. Nicely done. Have a great weekend and thanks for the read.
I’m surprised the range hood doesn’t fall to the floor. At least the owners were smart enough to do a painting on the ceiling above the bed, rather than more rocks.
The range hood nuts. But so if the fridge. Those doors must weigh a ton. Thank you so much for the read. Have a great Turkey Day.
Land value…I think it will become multi-family.
A block from the beach the location is fabulous. You may be on to something. Thank you for the read. Have a great holiday.
oh dear mimi perez, you deserve to be paid far more for this astounding piece of work. To put it in modern lingo “you are cooking, and you never miss.” I particularly enjoyed this weeks analysis as I am a big fan of pirates and scallywags myself. Your ability to pick up on the hints and undertones of rapscallion behavior never fails to amuse me. Thank you for another week of quality entertainment! I will be eagerly awaiting future installments.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am always appreciative of being paid more money and am always willing to accept tips. ha ha Thank you for the read. Wishing you and yours a happy Thanksgiving.