Hey Dummy! This Ohio Home Is The Perfect Refuge From Insulted, Armed Neighbors

July 24, 2024 | Mimi Perez | | Wednesday WTF

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“The strangest and greatest potential I have ever seen.” How is that for an opening line to a listing? It is a real grabber, isn’t it, dummy?

You read that right. I said dummy. That is how safe and secure the house featured in this week’s Wednesday WTF column is making me feel. I can call anyone dummy and neener, neener, boo, boo, you will not be able to get me.

And another thing, let me just say… I can not keep this up. Allow me to apologize for calling you a dummy. Name calling is not nice and could lead one to being conked on the head. You would not be able to conk me on the head if I lived in this house but this home could never be an option for me. Do you want to know why? Because I am no dummy.

Where to begin with this house located at 1360 Old Trail Road, Maumee, Ohio. It sits on a perfect five-acre lot. It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and is 3,355 square feet in size. It also has $100,000 worth of fencing around the entire property and has more than $300,000 worth of concrete. The owners are asking $399,900. Even if you were to pay the asking price you would still be coming out ahead just in concrete and fencing.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Every surface of the house is covered in expensive, bulletproof Lexan material.

Now you understand why I was feeling so bold as to name call. When the listing says “every surface” it means every surface. I would love to know what names the owner of this house called people that prompted them to build a windowless, bulletproof house.

Bullets will not kill these people but apparently any type of color will. Can you say accent pillows?

Even the bathrooms are covered in this Lexan material. I am going to tell you a little somethin’. If I lived in that house I would sit on the pot and figure out what I did to anger so many people that this home is my last resort or, I would work on my Wonder Woman reflexes and put in some windows and get some throw pillows with lots of color.