Mr. Hand Would Think The Owners of This Pennsylvania Townhome Are on Dope
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In the iconic 1980s movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, history teacher Mr. Hand deduced that all of his students and basically, society in general, are on dope. This movie was made well before dope became legalized in various states. Mr. Hand was a visionary. Who knew?
Now, Mr. Hand was the first person I thought of when I found the house featured in this week’s column. Undoubtedly, Mr. Hand would deliver his iconic line: “What are you people? On dope?”
The answer is yes, a thousand times yes. Dope is the only explanation that accounts for the choices that were made in this house.
This townhome has three bedrooms, one-and-a-half bathrooms, and is 2,034 square feet. It is located at 6 Jean Lo Way Unit 6, York, Pennsylvania. The owners are asking $245,000.
“NOW OFFERING A $5,000 CREDIT FOR PAINT, FLOORING AND OTHER REPAIRS!”
Really, just $5,000? I don’t think that will cover the amount of primer that will be needed.
All I can picture as I look at this house is my blonde dog that sheds. Hazelberg sheds so much that we can easily put together a new dog every other day and that is exactly what we would have to do in this house since it would be impossible to pick up all the dog hair and every strand would be visible.
The intensity of this kitchen is off the rails. You know what Mr. Hand would say? “What are you people? On dope?”
Do you get the feeling that these people howl at the moon? You know who else howls at the moon? My dog Hazelberg. His blonde hair would make him seem like a beam of light with short, stubby legs in this house.
Yes the bathrooms are uber dark but at least you can do your laundry as you drop a deuce.
Mr. Hand: “What are you people? On dope?”
You are going to want to cover your eyes for these next pictures. Trust me.
You see, you are thankful that I warned you about covering your eyes. Your pupils were wide open looking at all those dark pictures. Photos of the nursery would have burned your eyeballs. Now something to note about the nursery. The nursery is actually where the master bath used to be.
Mr. Hand: “What are you people? On dope?”
With that my people, I bring this to an end. We have seen enough to know we have seen too much. It is time for us to call up our inner Spicoli.
For more photos go here.
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I’m not sure how a child – unless they’re Wednesday Addams – would handle growing up in a house that had a room dedicated to Pennywise, the “It” clown.
On another note, when I was a teenager (many decades ago), I wanted so badly to paint my room black. My mother convinced me otherwise when she told me I would never be able to see spiders in my room!
I will say, your Mom was a woman ahead of her time. That is what this generation calls “big brain thinkin'” Thank you for the read. Have a great weekend.