Naughty Tuesday: Help Me Critique This Home For Cali Friends

This could really get me in water that is hotter than my swimming pool right about now, but a friend in California is selling their home and these are the photos the agent shot. Naturally, I have some strong opinions, which I am going to withold. It’s a lovely contemporary northern Cali home circa 1983 but remodeled, located in Saratoga, on the Peninsula, ’bout an hour from San Francisco. Totally orgasmic yard.

Four bedrooms (one is a study), play area, four full baths and the master bath is decked-out to-die for: heated floors, towel warmer, sexy infinity overflow soaking tub with jets, steam shower,  private zen master garden where you can sunbathe or raise marijuana or medidate bare-ass naked if you want to like any normal California nut and the neighbors will never see. Maybe.

The pool is kind of wrapped around the house, and the home is set very far back, shares a driveway with the neighbor. Backs to a running stream and the huge redwood trees are glorious, glorious. Plus you can see them from every window. In fact, I think they ought to include a case of Windex with the sale because this house has so many windows and glass, all drawing the eye out to the fabulous gardens. In case you’d like to buy it, please note temp is about 70 there now as I write this.

The home has not been professionally staged, should it be? What do you think of those plants? Do they need some art? Do the photos do the home justice? Please do not hold back — critique away, as hard as you want. After all, this house is not located in hell like we are — KIDDING!

Asking $3,895,000. What’s funny about selling a home in California: buyers want to know even if PETS have died in a home, and they are very Feng Sui conscious, I’m told: colors have to be right, and they don’t like it when water runs away from the house, or something.

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  • Whoever picked those plants must be used to small things that wilt very fast — where are they?

  • Whoever picked those plants must be used to small things that wilt very fast — where are they?

  • Sounds like your friends need to pick up some sage to cleanse the home. Also, if they are really against hiring a stager, try grouping the furniture, instead of having them oddly face walls. And if it was me, i would absolutely take the random traditional rug out, and highlight the sexy Eames chair sadly hiding in that corner. And, if the water direction is really an issue, time to find a fire feature to balance the elements out. All-in-all

  • Sounds like your friends need to pick up some sage to cleanse the home. Also, if they are really against hiring a stager, try grouping the furniture, instead of having them oddly face walls. And if it was me, i would absolutely take the random traditional rug out, and highlight the sexy Eames chair sadly hiding in that corner. And, if the water direction is really an issue, time to find a fire feature to balance the elements out. All-in-all

  • All-in-all beautiful home, the photos just get distracting with the random placements of furniture pieces, instead of highlighting the amazing architecture features and wonderful views.

  • All-in-all beautiful home, the photos just get distracting with the random placements of furniture pieces, instead of highlighting the amazing architecture features and wonderful views.

  • Why no bed in the master, and why is the little bed so rumpled? My my they are into mauves.

  • Why no bed in the master, and why is the little bed so rumpled? My my they are into mauves.

  • I'm feeling naughty and nice tonight, so here are some pros and cons:

    Cons:
    Any House priced over 3 million should definately be staged. Even one as gorgeous as that. Is there a proven percentage that staging adds to final sales price? It definately needs Art. Those walls are screaming for it. And don't you want to visualize yourself in a comfy recliner or hammock on the deck looking out at that view?! I would buy a house if I could do that.

    Pros: Do you see that yard? There's aren't many yards with grass in Northern Cali. Especially St. Augustine. Luscious. I always had to tiptoe through the grass barefoot when I would visit Texas. The View, the view , the view. That's what makes living in this area so peaceful. And as you say, what a place for peaceful mediation or a great party!

    And lastly, many Northern Californians can afford this house because they grow marijuana in thier master gardens!

  • I'm feeling naughty and nice tonight, so here are some pros and cons:

    Cons:
    Any House priced over 3 million should definately be staged. Even one as gorgeous as that. Is there a proven percentage that staging adds to final sales price? It definately needs Art. Those walls are screaming for it. And don't you want to visualize yourself in a comfy recliner or hammock on the deck looking out at that view?! I would buy a house if I could do that.

    Pros: Do you see that yard? There's aren't many yards with grass in Northern Cali. Especially St. Augustine. Luscious. I always had to tiptoe through the grass barefoot when I would visit Texas. The View, the view , the view. That's what makes living in this area so peaceful. And as you say, what a place for peaceful mediation or a great party!

    And lastly, many Northern Californians can afford this house because they grow marijuana in thier master gardens!

  • I suggest staging as others have …the dark colors have to go.. 3 millon ,staging is a must . BHB last comment…so true..

  • I suggest staging as others have …the dark colors have to go.. 3 millon ,staging is a must . BHB last comment…so true..

  • Are your friends still living in the house? The house can speak for itself. Thus, if they have move they need to get the rest of the furniture out. Personally, I can visualize what a house would look like if it's empty. But the house currently looks like that if I bought it I would have to have a garage sale to sell the furniture the previous owners left. I say this based on all the empty space (unless they had dance lessons on Friday nights at their house) and the empty shelves around the entertainment center. If folks in Cali can't visualize what cool house could be with them in it, than stage that puppy as if it's President Obama press conference.

  • Are your friends still living in the house? The house can speak for itself. Thus, if they have move they need to get the rest of the furniture out. Personally, I can visualize what a house would look like if it's empty. But the house currently looks like that if I bought it I would have to have a garage sale to sell the furniture the previous owners left. I say this based on all the empty space (unless they had dance lessons on Friday nights at their house) and the empty shelves around the entertainment center. If folks in Cali can't visualize what cool house could be with them in it, than stage that puppy as if it's President Obama press conference.

  • Well, the outside shots are good. The interiors not so much. They make it look like a half empty luxury barracks and they need to be closer in. It feels like you're looking at the interior from the cheap seats.

  • Well, the outside shots are good. The interiors not so much. They make it look like a half empty luxury barracks and they need to be closer in. It feels like you're looking at the interior from the cheap seats.

  • I agree with everyone of the previous comments. Although the house itself is spectacular, I found the photos to show it as dull, boring and uninviting. That rug has got to go..reposition the sectional…bring some of the outdoors in…and staging would be beneficial at this price. Sometimes you gotta spend money to make money.

  • I agree with everyone of the previous comments. Although the house itself is spectacular, I found the photos to show it as dull, boring and uninviting. That rug has got to go..reposition the sectional…bring some of the outdoors in…and staging would be beneficial at this price. Sometimes you gotta spend money to make money.

  • This is a beautiful house as the others have commented. Here are my thoughts:
    1. The rugs have to go!
    2. Each room needs furniture. The current furniture doesn't paint a picture of what the new homeowner's lifestyle will be like. The design layout needs to be considred as well. The sofa is in the wrong position; it blocks off the room.
    3. Where is the art? Wall art completes the room and makes the house look expensive. The homeowners want top dollar, right?
    4. Accessories add the warmth and character that every home needs. A few accessories will complete the look.

    In other words; hire a stager!

  • This is a beautiful house as the others have commented. Here are my thoughts:
    1. The rugs have to go!
    2. Each room needs furniture. The current furniture doesn't paint a picture of what the new homeowner's lifestyle will be like. The design layout needs to be considred as well. The sofa is in the wrong position; it blocks off the room.
    3. Where is the art? Wall art completes the room and makes the house look expensive. The homeowners want top dollar, right?
    4. Accessories add the warmth and character that every home needs. A few accessories will complete the look.

    In other words; hire a stager!

  • The first photo of the house with that pink thing sticking out is so — so phallic. It made me laugh. I think the photographs are sloppy and wonder if they were even professional. Shocking for this sophisticated of a market.

  • The first photo of the house with that pink thing sticking out is so — so phallic. It made me laugh. I think the photographs are sloppy and wonder if they were even professional. Shocking for this sophisticated of a market.

  • What gets me is the single chairs without a table lined up against a wall. Are we having a buffet dinner without the buffet? I looked at other photos of homes in the area and the differences are retty stark. Someone is cheaping out here. Get in some decent furniture if only for a photo!

  • What gets me is the single chairs without a table lined up against a wall. Are we having a buffet dinner without the buffet? I looked at other photos of homes in the area and the differences are retty stark. Someone is cheaping out here. Get in some decent furniture if only for a photo!

  • Hire an architectural photographer to get eight great shots and a stager to bring in some furniture, lighting and art.

    It will cost a few thousand and be the best ROI ever at this price point. I could make my own home look better than this with the right pictures, and mine doesn't cost anywhere NEAR 3 million or have that kind of backyard!

  • Hire an architectural photographer to get eight great shots and a stager to bring in some furniture, lighting and art.

    It will cost a few thousand and be the best ROI ever at this price point. I could make my own home look better than this with the right pictures, and mine doesn't cost anywhere NEAR 3 million or have that kind of backyard!

  • Stage it! Stage it! Stage it! And maybe, SAGE it too 😉

    The pictures do not do the home justice. Get a professional stager who will remove those area rugs and bring in some furniture and art AND a professional photographer who will bring interior lighting to brighten the photos and make the home look more inviting.

    Online photos, a virtual tour, and professional video can be considered your first showing! If buyers don't like what they see, they won't call for the second and will never step foot through the door.

    Spend a nickel, to make a dollar!!

  • Stage it! Stage it! Stage it! And maybe, SAGE it too 😉

    The pictures do not do the home justice. Get a professional stager who will remove those area rugs and bring in some furniture and art AND a professional photographer who will bring interior lighting to brighten the photos and make the home look more inviting.

    Online photos, a virtual tour, and professional video can be considered your first showing! If buyers don't like what they see, they won't call for the second and will never step foot through the door.

    Spend a nickel, to make a dollar!!

  • Agree with the others….stage it! And take the towels out of the bathroom. They aren't even folded neatly…especially the hanging one.

  • Agree with the others….stage it! And take the towels out of the bathroom. They aren't even folded neatly…especially the hanging one.

  • The house is beautiful, but they should either get rid of the furniture or have it staged.

  • The house is beautiful, but they should either get rid of the furniture or have it staged.

  • Two things wrong in my opinion: 1-the photos do not do this home justice. looks like home photography with a poor quality camera. there are so many photographers who, for as little as $125-$175, will do a FABULOUS job with incredible photos. 2-the staging sucks. need a better stager all the way around. too bare in my opinion. there is a fine line between cleanly staging a home and bare, they have crossed over into "bare" for sure.

  • Two things wrong in my opinion: 1-the photos do not do this home justice. looks like home photography with a poor quality camera. there are so many photographers who, for as little as $125-$175, will do a FABULOUS job with incredible photos. 2-the staging sucks. need a better stager all the way around. too bare in my opinion. there is a fine line between cleanly staging a home and bare, they have crossed over into "bare" for sure.