The Only Thing This New Mexico ‘Woodland Castle’ Is Missing Is Forest Creatures to Do the Cleaning

A long-time fantasy of mine is to have woodland creatures come to my house to cook and clean. My happily ever after entails cute little mice, squirrels, birds, deer, etc dusting and mopping the house, including the bathroom. No matter the spells or chants I have researched, I still have no adorable, cheerful animals doing me a solid and cleaning my cottage. I have a cottage home for pity’s sake. Truly, at this point, I’d take an angry gorilla with a duster. The frustration is real.

Who am I kidding? This guy has zero interest in doing housework. Perhaps if my home was more fantastical I could get this guy and the other creatures to do my bidding. If that’s what is needed, I have no choice but to move to the house featured in this week’s column. It’s in New Mexico and is perfect. This place absolutely oozes fantasy.

And it turns out that’s no accident. Known as Woodland Castle, the 7,151-square-foot home was designed and built by artist Ray Renfro, whose work explains a lot about what you’re about to see. The five-bedroom, six-bath house sits on 2.6 wooded acres in Angel Fire.

You can hear those dwarves whistling if you’re quiet enough.

The enchantment begins as you walk through the front portal.

I get it now. The woodland creatures would be so blown away by the fantasy land that is this house that you could slap a broom, mop, whatever in their paws, and the cleaning and the singing would commence.

Look at them go. The only thing the squirrel in my yard does is dive bomb me from my roof to a tree when I step out of my front door. It’s crazy.

The cooking crew would love the kitchen.

The kitchen has a standard oven and a steam oven. I don’t even know what a steam oven is but I only want the best for the cute little animals to make delicious pies and cakes.

The fantasy continues in the primary suite. The stone, tile, and coloring just go over the top. I mean, holy crap. I have a feeling I will lose the woodland creatures when they see the primary bath.

That is a tremendous amount of grout to be cleaned. They may only be forest animals but even I think they would draw the line here.

You know what this house needs? It needs a fairy godmother to bibbidi-bobbidi-boo this entire house, and while she’s at it, she can throw a bibbidi-bobbidi over to my house.

Located in Angel Fire, New Mexico, the Woodland Castle is listed for $2.2 million. Apparently, even fairy-tale castles have to meet the market: Woodland Castle originally asked $2.75 million before getting a reduction price improvement.