This $135M California Home Looks Like a Fancy Hampton Inn — and I Cannot Unsee It

If you have only sporadically read anything I have written, it has probably entailed my love for the State of California. It is a beautiful state with so much to see and to do. I long for the day when the Gusman and I can move there. The National Parks are fabulous and, if you are lucky, you can be on the coast where the sunsets are incredible.

The gif is from the music video for Randy Newman’s “I Love LA.” WE LOVE IT!!!! I absolutely had to add “WE LOVE IT!!!!” because my daughter lives in LA and whenever the song comes on I take a picture of my dashboard and send it to her, and she always replies “WE LOVE IT!!!!” I digress.

Now on the other side of the scale, California does have its eccentric people. Yeah, we’ll go with the word eccentric. It sounds nicer than saying crazy. In my worldview, the love I have for California and acknowledging that plenty of crazies indeed live there can co-exist.

Yeah, what this guy said. A perfect example of this peaceful co-existence is the house featured in this week’s column. The builders are asking for $135 million for your very own Hampton Inn franchise that can also sub as a house. Crazy, crazy, Kwazzzeeee!!!

Hand to God, we have stayed at a Hampton Inn that looked just like this only the front doors were the electric, swosh-swosh doors, as opposed to one half of your home opening up to the outside. Crazy, crazy, Kwazzzeeee!!!

Doesn’t the lobby area look welcoming? The only thing missing is the breakfast area where you can get your hot and cold cereals, fruit, and scrambled eggs with those little seasoned potatoes. Oh, I do love those seasoned potatoes.

Dollars to donuts, this home has a bar with complimentary cocktails at happy hour (limit one per customer) and a fireplace that’s always on.

There’s even a grand piano that can be played during happy hour. Then there’s even a swankier bar. This hotel has everything.

No joke, there is a hotel in Boston that has this exact same layout and decor. Let’s check out the amenities.

I think we can all agree that the pool, fire ring with the stone chairs that will make your butt go numb in record time, and the weight room are all standard fair at any hotel. What’s new at this franchise is the spa area.

No way this could be confused for a home. With all the tubs and chairs and little mushroom stools all around. This is built for the busy season, where you have guests coming and going.

Oh come on, you knew I could not write about a hotel like home in California and not mention the Eagles. I’d get thrown out of some writer’s group, that’s for sure.

Okay, one more. I couldn’t write about the crazy that is California without showing you the presidential suite. Yeah, that’s what I’ll call it.

Nice view, but that nightstand is identical to what they put in standard double rooms. They even went with the cheapie lap pad, where anything on there will easily slide off if it gets tilted in the slightest. Trust me, I know.

Don’t even think of stealing one of those bathrobes or matching slippers. But they are so far away from the tub that you will absolutely have to have someone sitting in the Lhasa Apso chair as you bathe so they can fetch them for you when you’re done.

So there you go, guys and dolls, a mere $135 million will get you this crazy California home. You’ll feel like you’re on vacation all the time.

Sitting on 1.22 acres, this eight-bed, 10.5-bath home is located in Los Angeles.