New Year, New Nope: This Knoxville House Skipped Its New Year Resolution

Happy New Year my peoples. I hope everyone had a fun yet restful holiday break. Now it’s back to what some consider reality. The horror. Even worse are those perky people who are commited to making new year’s resolutions. What better way to ruin the holiday buzz than by making those ridiculous resolutions? 

Can I get an amen? A-MEN I says. AMEN! I digress.

Resolutions are highly overrated. New Year, new you. I don’t think so. You are wonderful just the way you are.

In all fairness, eating cake while doing sit-ups is a perfect life balance. I’d definitely resolve to eat more cake. I digress yet again. Now I know my attitude may be somewhat of a downer, but it’s only because I have found a house that emotes the exact same feeling. Self-improvement and this house have nothing in common. It’s something I tell you.

If this house were a human, the only resolutions it would make would be to eat more cake, cookies, and to drink excessively. It’s only Jan, 7, 2026 and it’s done. Done, I says.

It’s nice when the hooligans hang up their coats and shoes neatly before tagging the interior of your home so it looks like a meth house.

Eventhough I have zero electrical skills, even I know it’s a really, really bad idea to drape your light fixture in what looks to be filthy mechanic’s rags. The best thing I can say about the orange electrical cord used to power the future fire starter is that it matches the rest of the decor.

I’m a big believer in having options. Turning one’s home into a mechanic’s garage has never been an option I’ve considered, but if it was, I would absolutely buy this house. The conversion would be easy peasy.

The mirror taking up valuable counter space is there because that’s the only way you can see the killer coming at you as your back faces the door. That is called big brain thinkin’.

No.

While I love graffiti, I do not like it on my kitchen walls. But I do agree with the sentiment. Smash the patriarchy!

Okay, so follow me here. As you are sitting on the pot, Mr. One Eye is staring you down. Then, while you are brushing your teeth, you look up, and Mr. One Eye is still there. I can’t work with this bathroom.

I don’t even know.

Exactly! That’s the perfect reaction to this house. Let’s resolve to never discuss this house again. Mercy.

Located in Knoxville, Tennessee, this house is contingent with an asking price of $415,000. I know, I can’t believe it either.