The Only Thing Missing From This ’80s Mall-Inspired House Is You. For Sure

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

“Hello?”

“It’s the 1980s calling. Do you want to go to the mall?”

“Will Hollywood Video, Waldenbooks, and Gadzooks be there?”

“Oh yes and their friends Wicks ‘N’ Sticks, Orange Julius, and Radio Shack will be there too. So are you in?”

“For sure. You had me at ‘It’s the 1980s.’”

That is all you need in terms of an intro for the house featured in this week’s Wednesday WTF column. The only thing missing will be the neon lighting and an excessive number of escalators passing each other.

Glorious! Am I right?

The backyard of this Illinois home looks like a mall with a waterpark attached. Your wildest teenage dreams come to life. The interior lives up to the hype.

The block glass, red rails, and nut ball art are sensational. The only question I have is: Where is The Limited? I loved that store.

This is a perfect recreation of the mall dumping area for all the lone husbands and boyfriends who are waiting for their beloveds to finish shopping. There are lots of windows so they can look out or they can give the thumbs up or thumbs down when their better halves come out of the dressing rooms located on the second floor.

The marble in the gif is the same as in the house. The designer of this home is a true aficionado.

If malls had kitchens, they would look exactly like this one. No doubt.

There is an abundant amount of red. It is so shiny that you could apply your make-up while looking at your oven or fridge. Did I mention that it is really red? I mean, it is Krypton-sun red. Oi vey.

The one thing this house has that you won’t find in a mall? An indoor spa conveniently located just off the kitchen.

I think the only reason these weren’t a staple of an ‘80s mall is a lack of imagination and sheer determination. It is a perfect example of what happens when we fail to dream. But this home delivers.

It is a dream come true. Get a prom dress and then take a soak. This house is so on point that even the bathrooms do not disappoint.

Nothing and I mean nothing screams ’80s mall more than a mirror maze, triangles, and the colors pink and aqua.

So there you go my peoples, a perfect ‘80s mall house.

You are welcome.

This Northbrook, Illinois home is listed for just under $2 million.