Only a Dog Cursed by a Witch Could Create this Level of Chaos in this California Home
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Our dog Hazelberg always leaves messes in his wake. He’s a chewer and a destructor. He gets rubber balls and rips them apart, leaving little pieces of rubber all over the house. If it’s not rubber bits, it’s fluff from his stuffed toys. It will look as though there is snow in our house when he gets a new toy. The animal is a purveyor of chaos.
The rubber balls are a real pain clean up. The pieces are hard to sweep because the bits bounce out of the dustpan. It’s his contribution to decorating our house. At least that is what we say to keep the urge to strangle him in check.
The Gusman and I have taken to making up backstories about this dog to explain the chaos he brings. The current story is that he is actually a cursed man who was changed into his current form by a witch/warlock who had had enough. The blonde hair and soulful eyes weren’t enough to overcome the chaos.
Hazelberg’s career as a human was that of a home builder/designer. The last home Hazelberg had his paws into is featured in this week’s column. Chaos galore.
While there is so much going on, I want to make sure you see that the first step to the nearly camouflaged stairs has the exact perfect gap you need to snap your ankle. That’s some chaotic evil cosplay going on, just sayin’.
Hazelberg selected those furry barrel chairs because he would, uh, love on them into infinity.
That’s coming from the Queen of Scream just so ya know.
It is like being stuck inside a really wicked migraine.
The real tip-off that Hazelberg created this chaos are those droopy diaper drapes. Only this dog would choose drapes that puddle on the floor this much, perfect for wiping his muzzle after eating.
A more accurate human representation of our dog does not exist.
That has to be one of the most violent headboards I’ve ever seen. Fine for sleeping. Great for sawing off limbs. The room where the magic does not happen.
The only way you use that tub is if you have never seen any of the Final Destination movies. Why yes, let me fill this tub up with water, attempt to climb in, and soak in the water with that massive chandelier right above me. Hazelberg!!!
See more of the 9,200 square foot home located on two acres in Friant, California. It is listed for $4.75 million.
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I often wonder how you find these.
Faux stone, fringe and flocked upholstery are best in moderation….or not at all.
You’d be amazed at at the number of people who send these houses to me. Friendship is a weird and wild thing. ha ha ha Thank you so much for the read. Have a great day.
This is one of the funniest pieces I’ve seen in a LONG time. I needed this today. Texture for days!
I am glad you got some chuckles. Thank you so much for the read. Have a great rest of the week.