Only Pity and Pain Await the Owner of This Arizona Home

Mr. T is one of the most underrated actors of the ‘80s. Spoiler alert: He got his break in Hollywood as Clubber Lang, a rogue, tough street fighter who propositioned Rocky Balboa’s wife, took the championship away from Rocky and ultimately, lost the title to Rocky after Rocky did some soul searching and took a run on the beach. “I pity the fool” was Mr. T’s most iconic line out of Rocky III. He said it with such a gravelly and mean tone that you did indeed pity the fool. The man should have won an Oscar.

An Oscar I tell you, an Oscar.

Now Mr. T’s other famous line out of the movie was his response to a reporter regarding his prediction for the upcoming fight. Spoiler alert: It was pain. That was his prediction.

Oh please, Jesse Ventura’s acting skills were laughable compared to Mr. T. Come on. I digress yet again.

So there you go, pity and pain, pain and pity those are a few of Mr. T’s favorite things. Now, I bring up pity and pain because this is what we will be feeling as we look at the house featured in this week’s column. Spoiler alert: The brain pain will be real.

Let’s start at the foyer type area.

I’m just not sure what is going on here. There are stairs but they are blocked off with a safety rail and all the dots make me feel as though I’m taking a psych test to see how crazy I am. I’m not crazy enough to put dots all over my house that’s for sure. Let’s just put a pin in this because it’s not even the nuttiest part.

I don’t know about you but I’m getting that villain’s lair feel. There’s a piece of Kryptonite on the back porch for pity’s sake. The other villain’s lair tip off is the accent lighting.

What’s that Mr. T? You want pain? Hold, please.

Wait, wait there’s one more. 

That’s the brain pain I was talking about. Wait until you see the dining room.

Who wouldn’t want a view of their Kryptonite while sitting in a cage like Tweety Pie?

Let’s go to the primary bathroom.

Bubbles, spikey cabinet fronts, accent lighting continues and I’m not quite sure I understand what is happening in the shower.

I can’t tell if those are overly firm buttocks or clam shells in the shower. All I know is the pain I feel is real. No acting here. As for the person who buys this house, well I’ll let Mr. T have the last word.

Nestled in the serene, private hills of Lost Canyon, this Scottsdale, Arizona home is priced just under $13 million.