Louisiana, Eat Your Heart Out: New York Has You and Swamp Monsters Beat

Let me tell you, I have found the dream home for the swamp monster in your life. Just so we are on the same page, I am not talking about your beloved who likes to wear camo all the time and blend in with the trees and bushes. I’m talking about an actual, honest to God, swamp monster.

Okay, now that we are on the same page re: swamp monster, allow me to proceed. The house featured in this week’s column takes the phrase “outdoor lovers dream!” to a whole new level. This house is so rustic you will need tweezers scattered throughout the home to pluck out all the splinters you will be getting.

I just got two splinters looking at this picture of the house. Actually, there are a total of three structures on this property. The other two properties include a Willy Wonka wannabe rocketship type thing and a cabin that would be wonderful for a gnome.

Willy Wonka would be proud.

As for the gnome, well…

He is a perfect match for this cabin. Just sayin’. Now you may be thinking that the interior will not be as bad. You are kinda right but only because I am feeling generous.

I am not quite sure how you are supposed to make it up that stairwell unless you are a short, little gnome yourself. The swamp monster would not stand a chance.

Swamp monsters are known to love track lighting.

I had a friend argue with me that this property would actually be the perfect spot for a coven of witches as opposed to a swamp monster and gnome. I do have the best friends. Our 401K’s are in the dumper but we engage in heated debates over swamp monsters, gnomes, and witches. Alcohol may be involved. Who can remember?

To prove my point, however, let us take a look at the view.

Just looking at this makes me want to grab some lotion for my hands and elbows. Ladies, am I right? Not even a witch would want to live in a place that is this dry. 

Probably the funniest thing about this property is that it is not in Louisiana. Louisiana is world renowned for having the most swamp monsters, gnomes, and witches in the continental U.S. Really, I read it at one of their welcome centers. Alcohol may have been involved then, too. In actuality, this property is located in New York.

I know! I felt the same when I saw that. Someone needs to tell Louisiana that they are going to be short some swamp monsters, gnomes, and witches.

See more of this $1.9 million home located in Brookhaven, New York.