For Almost $3.5 Million, You Can Be Super Confused

One very wise designer once told me that if you have a home with a spectacular view, the view is the biggest piece of art. When it’s not, you get a home that leaves you confused — like this week’s Wednesday WTF.

I seriously don’t know where to look in this Columbus fancy condo, but I promise there is a view there — albeit behind all the assorted fripperies and such. First, though, let’s look at the description:

“If You Cannot Do Things First Class, Do Not Do Them At All! Every sq inch of the 5200 sqft was considered to create a secret home 100′ in the air. Welcome to your own full floor with private roof-top sun deck & 2 balconies. Guests will be amazed upon entering the vestibule. The custom iron gates hide all the fun and amazement that lies beyond. Architecturally designed on the bias, curved tray ceilings with rotating light color wheel, heated black granite w/ gold specs flooring, more than 90′ of floor to ceiling windows afford an unobstructed view of the city skyline. This is just the beginning. World- Class fixtures & finishes, custom Chuck Harnacky cabinetry, shelving and a fireplace mantle & ledge made of zebra wood. The list continues with no space falling behind. Absolutely Fabulous!”

But mostly, this almost $3.5 million secret home in the sky is full of too much damned stuff, and some curious design choices that left me, well, confused.

For one, the living area.

You have to look past a lot of stuff to even notice the view.

But I also have some questions about the primary suite. Can we talk about it?

For one, can you sleep with all this going on?

Is this a bathtub in the suite?

And then we have this water closet, with a urinal, bidet, and commode, and the commode is not speaking to the urinal or the bidet, because its body language clearly is turned away from them, probably because they don’t understand how much sh*t it goes through on a daily basis, and he is just tired of their attitudes.

But good news is all your bodily fluids have their own individual spaces.

Want to see more (including the theme doors)? Click here.