Frankly, this is the pits — the conversation pits, that is.
As we warned you last week with our first installment on the wide world of WTF and conversation pits, this week’s offering is some kind of pit within a pit.
We’ll explain in a second.
Apartment Therapy has a great rundown of conversation pits of yore, and whether they’re making a shin-splitting comeback.
This week, our Wednesday WTF is from Bryan, Texas. If your brain is percolating over there about what could happen if you have conversation pits and a college town mashed together, rest assured you’re probably really, really close to what we’re about to throw down.
In fact, I feel like I should remind you of this key sentence in last week’s WTF:
And stay tuned for next week’s follow up, and maybe get your tetanus shot, because if Internet tetanus is a thing, this house next week will give it to you.
So, first, can we just say that if this house was a horse, it would be the definition of “rode hard and put up wet.”
It needs love. It hasn’t had love in a long time. It’s had parties, probably, and may have starred in some off-brand Girls Gone Wild videos. But it hasn’t had the love of a good owner in some time.
Of course, executive editor Joanna England and I had to chat about this house. After all, she’s an Aggie. She should weigh in, right?
Joanna: “Oh the listing description is in all caps! THIS GON BE GOOOOOOOD.
Wait … HOLY HELL THAT’S AMAZING. Dude, the circular shower, the jetted in-floor tub. There are so many cool and quirky details on this one.”
Me: “But it also needs some love. Those kitchen counters. There are walls you can see daylight through.”
Joanna: “And there’s no tile on the floor in the master bath.”
Me: “It looks like all the finishes were made of subflooring?”
Joanna: “LOL. Right?
And then we get to the conversation pit.
Joanna: “And it looks like someone who couldn’t get their drink to their mouth set up shop in front of the fireplace. It’s a real tragedy that it got to this point because it could be a badass house.”
Me: “It’s weird. Like some kind of hobo meets Laura Ingalls Wilder …”
Joanna: “That’s Midcentury Modern Hobo to you. GET IT STRAIGHT.”
Me: “I wonder if it’s had squatters.”
Joanna: “It’s in Bryan. Which is next to College Station. So it probably had students.”
Me: “It could be a party house.”
Joanna: “Which is just as bad as squatters.”
Me: “Don’t take a black light to the linens around the fireplace.”
Me: “That’s 95 percent bodily fluids now.”
Joanna: “I don’t think you can call those linens anymore.”
Joanna: “We’re gross.”
Me: “But hilarious and right. Boys lived there. College boys. College boys that couldn’t get into a fraternity. That place smells like bong water, old beer, and crusty fibers.”
Joanna: “There’s going to be some eau de mildew, too, with all that nasty carpet.”
Me: “How long do scabies live on surfaces? I think that may be germane to this discussion. Don’t look it up — it’ll put you off your feed.”
Joanna: “BUT IT HAS GOOD BONES! Too bad it doesn’t have a claw foot tub. Then I’d be able to ignore the scabies carpet.”
So, if you would like a true fixer-upper and have an unlimited Kilz budget, here’s a Midcentury Modern Hobo for you in Bryan.