Thanks To All 532.323 Of You Who Sent Us This Listing
Share News:
“Do you like fun and adventure?” the listing that clogged our inboxes asks.
Let me tell you something, whenever someone asks you if you like fun and adventure, you should ask a lot of questions. A lot. I say this from experience because one time when in Europe someone asked me this and I ended up in Monaco with what I’m pretty sure was a fur trader but that doesn’t sound right, because that’s not what they call them?
It’s all very fuzzy now. Which is always what happens when unplanned invitations for “fun and adventure” come rolling in and you’re very sleep deprived and maybe half wine now.
So about this listing in Pittsburg. I love how all of you thought that my reaction was worth recording for posterity, too. It’s like getting a Mother’s Day card about farts.
For 159,000 whole American dollars, you can own this vision. I don’t know that I can do it justice, so the rest of the listing:
“Enter the Door to a 13th Century Castle Décor Sunken Living Rm, w/ Dramatic, High, Oak Beamed Ceiling, Hardwood Floor, Brick Fireplace, a Ladder to an Elevated Library. Time Travel at Warp Speed to the 25th Century Starship. A Talking Space Alien greets you as you walk toward the Floor to Ceiling, Outer Space Wall Mural. The Dining Rm Command Center Rear Wall opens up to the Spaceship Main Bridge-Working Computer & Controls from an Apache Helicopter, Speakers & a 55 Inch Screen (TV works). Pocket Door to the Functional “Galley Kitchen.” Open the Hatch Door & you find the Laundry, Large Storage Area & Workshop. Take the Spiral Staircase to Explore the 2nd Floor, which has a Den Area, a Walkway & 3 Bedrooms. There’s a Tropical Island Themed Bedroom & a 1970 Hippie Crash Pad Bedroom with a Queen Water Bed. Level Back Yard w/ a Pool (under warranty) and Patio Area. Beautiful Wisteria over Pergola.”
Well, I was disinterested in the elevated library and a dining room command center is just meh, but hold the horses did you say BEAUTIFUL WISTERIA OVER THE PERGOLA?
But no, seriously, I have a lot of questions. Like, is that the coat from The Royal Tenenbaums in that chair?
How do you keep a room full of sand clean?
Also, I mean, what?
The?
What?
No really, what is this? What?
At any rate, if you can explain this stuff, please do it in the comments. If you have a game plan for rehabbing the place, also tell us. If you want your own mission control in the dining room, please tell us so one of our many CandysDirt.com-approved builders and remodelers can start sending you some bids.
Want to see more? Of course you do. Want more WTF? We got you, boo.
3 Comments
Leave a Comment
That is some good looking pergola.
There’s a reason they “don’t make ’em like that anymore!”
Dutch synagogue floors were covered with sand during the Inquisition, to quiet the sound of prayer from outsiders. New World Caribbean and South American synagogues continued the tradition, in reminiscence of forty desert-wandering years. Perhaps parents sand-enhance rumpus room floors to muffle the boisterous activity of their precious young ones, especially during cocktail hour, and to remind the little darlings that they could be sent to the desert as well. Speaking of the New World, this cream puff listening of a home is in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Pittsburgh with the “h,” the real Pittsburgh. The Pittsburg sans “h” is in California.