We Have to Say Something Nice, So This House Has Great Bones

As children, we’re all told at least once, that if we can’t say anything nice, we shouldn’t say anything at all. But if I do that today, this column would be woefully short. So here goes: Our Wednesday WTF has really nice bones.

I will even go so far as to say that this home has gorgeous views from many rooms, but they aren’t interior views. They are views out the windows. 

And this lake view from the backyard is pretty.

And so is this view from the living room and the massive fireplace.

And I love the exterior. And I don’t hate the library.

Now, I should admit that taste is subjective. And I find myself stuck in some rooms, because I can’t decide if I hate hate that yellow wallpaper in the kitchen, or if I like it, or if it’s some kind of Stockholm syndrome associated with looking at the more uh, challenging real estate offerings of the world every week.

But I do know I have questions about nearly everything else.

Like the flooring and the wallpaper in the great room and upstairs landing.

And um, the wallpaper positioning in this bedroom.

And, for that matter, can we talk about all the bedrooms? For instance, the master.

I mean, it’s like if Keith Partridge’s shirt had a baby with Prince and Doris Day and then that baby fell and hit its poor noggin one day and then ate a lot of acid. A lot. Like, enough that even the Grateful Dead took one look and told Baby Prince PartridgeShirt-Day to lay off.

I can’t stop staring at it.

But hey, again, the bones. Look at the size of the room. Look at those views. I mean, if you haven’t completely been diverted by trying to figure out what that wallpaper pattern is. Is it so many tassels? Is it just a random geometric? Is it tombstones for all the good taste that died?

If this bedroom isn’t enough, try this one on for size.

Is it red? Is it hot pink? Is it salmon?

Oh, and I didn’t even mention the bathrooms. For the record, there are four-and-a-half of them, but I’ll give you a couple of exemplars.

I mean, why have one or two patterns when you can have like, three or four, right?

Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that this house, at 6,105 square feet of lakeside living, is indeed a time capsule. It’s highly likely the decor hasn’t been changed since the home was built in 1973.  It’s listed, by the by, for $1.45 million.

Want to see more of the house? Duh, of course, you do. Want to read previous Wednesday WTF’s in bed and snort-laugh your spouse awake at 2 a.m.? Here you go.