Oh, Tell Me Where You Are, Where You Really Really Are

really

The need for power washing aside, this Santa Ana, California, home seems fairly normal from the outside.

This week’s Wednesday WTF is a reader submission who says she really has questions about two things in this listing, which almost doesn’t qualify it for WTF status because typically, we are used to having so many questions.

really

So many.

Now, once again, this home in Santa Ana, California, seems completely normal if not actually lovely from the outside. But as we all know, pretty on the outside still doesn’t mean it won’t be weird and twisty on the inside.

And if you set aside the need for some power washing and the intimidating shrubbery, this house seems pretty you know, normal on the outside. But if you’re a longtime fan of the show, you know that this means nothing.

In the back, a pool seems pretty nice, too. Even has views of Catalina, downtown Los Angeles, and Hollywood.

But we only have to get five photos in before, yeah. This. This happens.

“That’s not so bad,” you’re saying. Your fingers are probably hovering over your keyboard right this very second, ready to comment on this column and tell me this is not that bad.

It’s like you don’t even know me.

Of course it gets worse. It always gets worse.

Now, I know this is just poor photography, but thanks to bad photography, this looks like it could be a kill room. A nice kill room, but you’re still straight up getting murdered in this room.

Or maybe this one.

True story, one time I went to this journalism convention in Shreveport (party like a journalist, man) and the whole room was lined in mirrors. It was the first time I ever watched “Silence of the Lambs.” Also, I’m blind without my glasses. These two things are important to the story.

Anyway, the hotel part of the Shreveport casino was having some construction issues, and after I was suitably unsettled by Hannibal Lecter and had taken my glasses off to sleep, a voice in my room (just as I had drifted off) says, “Leave this room. Do not use the elevator. Guests are encouraged to take the stairs …” And then it stopped. And then it did it again. And then another voice says, “Please disregard the previous announcement. Stay where you are.”

Only, my dudes, the bed was shaking, too. And without my glasses, every movement I made, reflected in the mirrors, could’ve been you know, a creeper trying to kill me.

That’s when I discovered two things: This hotel had some kind of PA system to give guests instructions in the event of an emergency, and I had been given a room for the hearing impaired.

But I also needed new britches.

Anyway, that bedroom reminds me of the hotel room where I thought I was going to die.

I almost didn’t notice the view in this room because I was busy looking at whatever is on the ceiling. What in the name of Hildi Santo Tomas is that?

How do you make a perfectly good pool super creepy? Like this. I mean, are those people?

But toward the end of the listing, we find our reader’s second question.

It here!
It still here!

Oh noes, did it move? No, it still here. Just new view.

For real, there are 12 of these.

Anyway, is this listing a victim of poor photography, crazy taste-specific decor, or both? What would you have advised the seller to do differently? Sound off in the comments.

Oh, you want to see more, do you? Click here for that.

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