In a shocking turn of events, the $100 million Crespi-Hicks estate has been sold to an anonymous shopping center developer. In a closed-door meeting with the City of Dallas, the plan was approved for a nearly 1 million-square-foot retail development to be anchored by Costco. The home had been on the market for several years and first carried a price of $135-million.
Sources report that the Costco deal hinged on being granted a full liquor license covering wine, beer, and hard liquor. One anonymous “Mayflower Madam” was thrilled, “Between the galas and institutionalized alcoholism, we WASPs can pack it away.” In a concession to neighbors, Costco will reportedly offer its first liquor delivery service. Devastated representatives from Spec’s and Siegel’s were unable to speak through their sobs.
After the price reduction, the developer thought the purchase was a no-brainer, but the City of Dallas took some convincing. “Where else can you get 25 acres in the most prestigious area of Dallas AND bordering the tollway?” To satisfy the city and neighbors, the deal includes constructing tollway access ramps for a new Crespi-Hicks exit. “We read about the continuing hullaballoo trying to redevelop Preston Center and wanted to nip any traffic concerns in the bud.”
Since this story broke last night, the developer says he’s been inundated with calls from retailers wanting in. “Sam’s Club have been so keen to get onto the site opposite Costco that in an unprecedented move they’ve guaranteed to match Costco workers’ salaries.”
The deal also ensures the main buildings on the estate, dating from 1939 —main house, guest house and recreation center – are retained but repurposed.
The developer’s representative continued, “We were a little concerned that the main house with its 10 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms and 27,092 square feet would be a problem to lease. However, Swedish retailer IKEA is interested in turning it into their flagship store.”
When contacted by Candy’s Dirt, Ikea representative Bjorn Bjornsson responded, “We’re sick of being thought of as cheap, flat-pack, dorm room furniture. The Crespi-Hicks home will allow us to showcase the full range of our products.” In a complete break with tradition, Ikea has even announced a line of Hicks-kea furniture with all-English names.
Apparently initial interest was shown in the three-story, 4,836-square-foot recreation building by both 24-Hour Fitness and LA Fitness. Both quickly dropped after market research showed everyone in the neighborhood had their own private home gyms. The developer needn’t have worried, Dave and Buster’s now appears to be the likely tenant.
The developer is also reportedly in talks with former President Bush to retain his helicopter landing privileges in exchange for regular “meet-and-greets” at the new shopping center. “We’re hoping to create a year-round Christmas feeling with shoppers lining up to sit on the former President’s lap for photo ops and present lists of political favors.”
Obviously this story will continue to unfold, so keep checking Candy’s Dirt for the latest details.
(April Fools … again)
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