The Williams Sonoma Gift Catalogue Hysterics: Drew Magary Nails the Ridiculous, but He’s Dead Wrong on that $2000 Espresso Machine

Drew Magary has published his 2014 Haters Guide to the Williams Sonoma Catalogue. You know, the ridiculous things we can fritter good money on in our perfect worlds where there is no Ferguson, MO, no discrimination, violence and no end of money. He mentions Connecticut, but we know exactly which ‘hoods in North Texas might have kitchens outfitted by Williams Sonoma–

Isn’t Christmas just grand when you spent thousands of dollars and hours upon hours of your free time making everything just so perfect, so you can spend the rest of your time micromanaging your family into oblivion, so that they are always within your maniacal control? I bet this catalog is for people who freak out if a dog nuzzles against them.

I love Williams Sonoma, and WS plaid towels are neatly hung from my Wolf stove. But I agree with most of his opines on these products. Textured milk may be so much BS, because the only textured milk I know is curdled milk left over after we’ve been out of town at the second home (which I imagine Magary would also have a field day hating) and I forgot to dump the leche before we left.

But I can not live without our coffee machine. Let me rephrase that: when I’ve sent the Capresso in for repairs — it has to go to New Jersey to see Chris Christie, I guess it’s a Republican coffee maker — I just head to Starbucks in the early am. Our old coffeemaker was donated to the poor eons ago. In fact, after the holidays I will probably buy this Breville Oracle Expresso Machine for my office, particularly if there is more than $500 to be saved apres Christmas. Rome may be burning, but I have to have my freshly ground java with steamed milk!

But these other items — really? Last flight I was on my seat mate and I read over the American Airlines in flight shopping catalogue and made fun of all the items for sale, especially this Skyrest pillow that you use while bending over your seat tray.

I mean does this even look comfortable?

Magary highlights some of the more ridiculous items in this year’s catalogue — Skyrest pillow equivalents for your kitchen and life. Like gluten-free sugar cookie mix for $16, cakelet pans, hot chocolate pots (I use my instant hot water and a packet), woodland garland (plastic, probably made in China), mushroom logs, and my favorite ridiculous item of them all: the Spoonola.

Really, who in the world has ever used a spoonula?