This Washington Home Is a Contender for Being the Bro-iest Bro House Ever Built

I have reached a point in my writing career that I am no longer surprised when I come across a home that actually surpasses a previous nutball home I’ve written about. Case in point: the urinal house.

That’s right. There were two urinals installed in the kitchen bar across from the keg. At that time I thought that was the bro-iest house I had ever seen. Not a bro house. The bro-iest bro house ever.

Well ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you, we have a contender for the title of bro-iest bro house to ever exist. Ladies, grab your sledgehammers, we have some smashing to do. The patriarchy, I’m talking about smashing the patriarchy. So much smashing that needs to be done. I digress.

Sing it sister.

No doubt little bro played Sims quite a bit since he put peaks on everything except the rusting shipping containers located at the front of the property.

Let’s start with a positive. There is no stripper pole. I spent at least 5 minutes trying to find the stripper pole. Buuuutttttt, there are so many white lines, shadow lines, lines on top of other lines. Holy crap. It’s like a Miami Vice spectacular left Florida and settled in Washington of all places.

Not quite sure what the body bags are covering up but the fireplace sure does make the place seem warm and cozy. Do you wanna know why this is the bro-iest house ever? Only a bro-bro would have two mini-fridges next to the kitchen. Who does that?

Never in the world has a gif been more on point than the one above. You are welcome.

Not only is that a lot of recessed lighting, but I have never seen so many built-in ceiling speakers. Bro wants to make sure he can hear his tunes.

Let’s also discuss the refrigerator situation.

I count at least three mini fridges and then the full-size in the kitchen, oh, and let’s not forget the two in the living room. Bro wants to make sure he has quick access to his chilled Red Bulls.

Quickly, let’s discuss the amoebas on the floor. We transitioned from geomatic lines and shapes to amoebas. I didn’t think I’d miss the lines, but here we are. Here we are.

No need to do a double-take. This is the second kitchen.

“Bro, we can’t have anyone walk on the floors.”
“I know, bro. Let’s just make another kitchen so we’ll get more big, cardboard boxes. Anyway, we know the babes like cooking for us so they’ll be happy with two kitchens.”
“Bro!”
“BRO!!!”

Grab thy sledges my sisters, there is smashing to be done.

I couldn’t wrap this up without showing you the bathrooms. I would never do you dirty like that. All I have to say about the bathrooms is that I now know what a kernel of corn feels like when it is inside the tin of Jiffy Pop popcorn.

So there you go. Yeah. The bro-iest bro house ranks right up there with the urinals in the kitchen house. The only thing left to say is BRO!!!

Located in Bonney Lake, Washington, this home is listed for $1,900,000.