Poet Maya Angelou Would Absolutely Believe That No Woman Has Even Entered this Home

The great Maya Angelou coined the phrase, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It is sound advice and very on point. When she voiced those words I am fairly certain she was referring to people as opposed to a house. If only Maya were still with us I would love to hear what words of wisdom she would say about the house featured in this week’s column.

Maya honey, in the case of this house, the better world would be in the aisle where we could buy a ton of Kilz and a couple of brushes.

Oh my. Maya and I are going to need something stronger than beer.

Lockers! Why haven’t I ever thought of just installing industrial-style lockers right by the front door? I come home, open up my assigned locker, and just put all my stuff in there. No need to have a closet or bedroom to store my things. Lockers, yes!

Let’s proceed.

In honor of Maya, I’m going to write a poem inspired by this painting. Here it goes:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What the hell?
I know, I know. You guys can just send the Nobel Prize in Literature to my house.

Oof. The ability to level is never overrated.

One question: Where are these foremost liquors? I must go to there. I think Dr. Angelou would second that desire.

After consulting with the spirit of the dearly departed Maya Angelou, I think I speak for the both of us when I say no actual living female has been in this house. There is not enough room for the “Gas Pump Girls” AND a live female.

I’d pay asking price just for the kitty cat. And if you still don’t believe me that no woman has ever been in this house, the bathroom will squash that thought.

“T. P. for your Bunghole.” Bubba, we know the purpose of said toilet paper.

“How long is your turd?” I didn’t think this would ever need to be said, but there should never be anything measured in a bathroom like ever. Ever, ever. I’m guessing this is a lifelong bachelor that owns this home, and a lifelong bachelor he will remain. Okay, one more.

Somewhere there is an Auto Zone wondering why someone would steal the communal water cooler.

So there you go, folks. You got a really good quote for Maya Angelou, some poetry from yours truly, and a reason to have a drink or two. Until next week my peoples, keep all measurements to yourself.

This three-bedroom, two-bath home located in Pine Lake, Georgia is listed for $350,000.