Missouri Home Tops Florida in Bringing the Crazy to the Show Me State

A lot of the homes I write about are either on the West Coast or in Florida. I absolutely love the West Coast. As for Florida, well, it’s Florida. Every now and then, though, a very sensible Midwest state will escape from the farm and come out with a nutball home. When it calls for my attention, well, I have no choice but to answer. Missouri, the Show Me state, has decided to show me that they are not afraid of being outdone by Florida or Cali.

Don’t worry sweetie, I’ll show you.

First photo out of the gate — what’s up with those windows? This picture was just to get you guys warmed up.

Bluto needs a place to sit as he collects the cover charge to get in the house.

I’d swallow a whole box of Dramamine if it meant I could stand to be in the entry long enough to snatch that really cool light fixture.

For the third week in a row, the turd brown color palate makes an appearance. Oy vey. The carpeting, on the other hand, looks as if a steamroller did a number on Bert and Ernie. 

Let’s go to the kitchen where even the best of marriages would be brought to the brink.

There is no way, and I mean absolutely no way, none, nil, zip, zero in which you could explain to your spouse which cabinet the item they are looking for is in. Show me! I’ll show you a little something, something.

That’s right. You’d need Superman’s X-ray vision to find anything in those kitchen cabinets. Let’s move along.

Oh look, Bluto has moved his act indoors, where he can sit in the white plastic chair of shame and make sure that whomever is locked in the basement stays locked in the basement. Show me, baby! And don’t worry, readers — I didn’t overlook the sliding glass doors that lead to another room that has sliding glass doors.

By the look of the ceiling, it seems as though these folks have never heard of a dehumidifier. You can just smell this house from just about anywhere. All I can say is that these folks must be right with the Lord because they have a light fixture right about the water. What could possibly go wrong?

Let’s go to the bathrooms. 

The only thing missing is twin girls, a lot of blood, and some kid repeating “Redrum” over and over.

[Editor’s note from Shelby: I believe you are referring to the bathtub scene in The Shining wherein Jack Nicholson’s character makes out with the sexy naked lady — only for her to transform suddenly into a decaying old woman.]

[Post-script edit by Mimi: And I believe you are referring to the Wednesday WTF I invited you to collaborate on last week — not this week, boss.]

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That’s a street light. That’s a street light in the bathroom. Nothing else matters. I guess if you live in the show me state, you gotta have good lighting. 

With that my peoples, I am done. Missouri lived up its name because it showed me more than I wanted to see.

This 6,690-square-foot-home, located in Bolivar, Missouri is priced at $379,995.