Don’t Forget to Take Your Muscle Relaxers Before Eyeing This Branson, Missouri Mansion

Hello, my lovelies. Welcome to another month of Wednesday WTF’s. I have been procrastinating writing about the house featured in this week’s column because I just did not know what to say about this old girl. Well, let me tell you, I have found the secret to my writer’s block: muscle relaxers.

Yeeesssssss, you read that right. Muscle relaxers, and good ones at that. You see, this past Friday I had a wicked neck spasm. I could not turn my head in any direction without seeing stars. I had never experienced that before and I hope to never go through that again. My father!

I feel ya’ Donald. So back to those muscle relaxers. I realize now why I could not write about this house. Everything is so high and so big it would have easily caused another spasm. So with my neck feeling as loose as a goose thanks to modern medicine, let’s go check out this monstrosity of a home.

Okay, are you ready?

Look at the height of that mantle. I’m sitting at my desk and I still have to look up to see what type of painting or decoration is above it. You can tell by the regular-sized chairs that there’s not some giant living here lighting those candles.

Even the deer head chandeliers are extreme and so incredibly high. Me poor neck.

Well sure. Why not? Yee haw. Set me up with some more of them there muscle relaxers for my neck and back as I sit in the saddle at the bar. Come on, it’s not just me, right?

Wait until you see the fireplace in the dining room. It’s a keeper.

RAAAAAWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! That’s it. That’s all I have to say about that.

I have a question for you.

Will you feel as though your hands are really clean if the water comes out of what seems to be a cigar? I zoomed in on this fixture because you really have to see this.

And you what, turn the fish for hot and cold water? I absolutely needed to be bombed on muscle relaxers to write about this house. Okay, I have one more for you.

I think this photographer partook in some muscle relaxers before coming to this house and this is about when they kicked in because it’s the only explanation for this picture. I’m guessing the boulder-looking things are bean bags, but your guess is as good as mine as to what and why that red thing is in the middle of the picture.

With that my friends, it’s time for Mimi to take a little nappy-poo.

Accurate.

See more of this Branson, Missouri mansion overlooking Table Rock Lake. It’s priced at $6.99 million.