A Hawai’i Ranch Home That’s Fit for King Kamehameha and MY Ice Cream

It was after admiring a beautiful golden statue of King Kamehameha on the Big Island of Hawai’i that I understood why female praying mantises eat their mates.

We were driving around the island when we stopped to stretch our legs. The Gusman took our daughter, Carmen, into a shop, and I went to the ice cream parlor. It’s called having priorities, my peoples. In that ice cream shop, I found the best ice cream I have ever had to this day: Tahitian Vanilla.

It truly was. It was so delicious. I digress.

So as we are walking to the car, I see the statue of King Kamehameha. He called to me and being the fool that I am, I left my double-dip Tahitian Vanilla ice cream with the Gusman and Carmen so I could have my hands free to take pictures.

When I’m done photographing King Kamehameha, I get back in the car and we continue our drive. Now I was not so naive to think that they would not help themselves to a little of my ice cream cone. What I received from the backseat was the pointy end of the cone with three drops of ice cream remaining. I could never harm Carmen, but the Gusman came awfully close to meeting Jesus that day.

I tell you all of this because the house featured in this week’s column is in Hilo, which is located on the Big Island and close to the ice cream shop of my beloved Tahitian Vanilla. That day I felt a connection with both King Kamehameha, known as a conqueror and the first ruler of the Kingdom of Hawai’i, and that ice cream, known as nectar of the gods. I know he’d love this house.

Now King Kamehameha was a rather big fellow, with some saying he was seven feet tall. Perfect, this ranch house with approximately 8,500 square feet would fit a guy of his stature.

“The massive scale of the logs imported from Canada to build the residence reflects the grandeur of its location,” the listing says. Truly, this is a house fit for a king.

You can picture King Kamehameha sitting in front of the fireplace or any number of places here with a big bowl of Tahitian Vanilla ice cream.

The cherry on top of this incredible home is that it sits on nearly 800 acres. Just getting from the road to the home is a one-mile trek, so not only are you living in luxury, you are surrounded by natural beauty.

There is so much land that a local rancher runs approximately 40 cows through multiple paddocks on the property. You can expand the orchards and pastures for cattle, and let me tell you, I absolutely would be expanding the cattle pastures. 

As a matter of fact, I would add some dairy cows in the mix so I can make myself some Tahitian Vanilla ice cream whenever I want. King Kamehameha would approve.

See more of the $22 million ranch home located in Hilo, Hawai’i.