Florida Home Reminiscent of ’80s Mall Comes Complete With Neon Decor, Velvet Furniture

You can always spot a child of the ‘80s from a mile away. Their homes tend to look like a mall. The colors are bright and perky, there’s lots of neon, and by the end, you just want to scream, “My God, my God, what is wrong with you?” The only appropriate answer to that question is “so much,” but I digress.

Sophia gets it. The use of Sophia in this GIF is quite appropriate because the home featured in this week’s column, much like the “Golden Girls,” is in Florida and is just as perky and full of neon as you’d imagine. Come on, let’s do this thing.

Who wants to play some Donkey Kong all of a sudden? Just so you know, the golden gorilla statue is what we call foreshadowing.

So do you think it is the transparent table and chairs that have Blanche and Dorothy reeling in shock, or the neon horse head with the clown nose hanging on the wall? All things being considered equal, I’d say it’s the neon horse head, but really, it’s a toss-up.

To be completely honest, I love the dark blue velvet couch. I also love the light blue velvet ottoman. All the black and white lines would make me dizzy to the point of feeling nauseous. Just knowing that I would have the velvet to pet while I close my eyes as I try to center myself would be so nice.

Well, okay, that’s a little rude. What can I say? I really, really love velvet.

This has to be the shiniest kitchen ceiling I have ever seen. The pink neon sign is distracting, but I can’t read it. That ceiling though. It looks like you could clean it with a squeegee.

The red and blue deer heads make a statement. Not sure what the statement is, but they are making it.

The funniest room in the entire house is the primary bedroom.

This? This is where the magic happens? I don’t think so. Magic does not require a swinging chair or a golden fan in order for it to happen.

The bathrooms are simply to be seen.

What can I say? The ’80s are not for the weak at heart. The jagged lines and bold stripes are one thing, but taking your morning constitutional while Audrey Hepburn looks on is a whole different level of nuts. Like I said, the ’80s are not for the weak of heart. You just need to hold on to the friends you have and enjoy the ride.

Don’t you just love Blanche, Dorothy and Rose?

Located in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, this home is listed for $1,99 million.