A Pink-and-Blue Queen Anne Takes Marriage’s 50/50 Rule Too Literally

One of the biggest fallacies newlywed couples hear is that marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Wrong! At best, marriage is a 70/30 seesaw, and in the blink of an eye, the percentage and split can change. That is why liquor was invented.

That is an appropriate use of a blender. I digress.

The owners of the house featured this week take my proposition on marriage and say: Wrong! Fred and Ethel completely and totally believe in the 50/50 split of marriage and not a smidge more.

So, in the coin toss between this couple, who have apparently been married for 251 years, Ethel won the exterior. That is why this charming Queen Anne-style home is pink.

If doilies had a smell, they would absolutely permeate every inch of this room. And tapioca. You’d definitely be smelling a bucket load of tapioca.

With Ethel claiming the entry, Fred called dibs on the kitchen and even painted the floor blue. Wrong! I’m not a fan of this much pink, but painting the kitchen floor blue seems excessive.

The downstairs is blue.

The upstairs is pink.

We’ve reached a point in this column where I long to see some owner-inspired mural on the wall that simply goes nuts with the colors and leaves us scratching our heads. Fred and Ethel are wearing me out with the pink and blue.

I digress yet again. On to the bedrooms.

Who knew blue with pink accents would bring me to a rage?

I am finding great comfort in the tan tile. I can’t tell if the tub is blue or if that is simply the reflection.

There are not even any blue accents to break up all the pink. Just like that, my rage is gone, and what I feel now is simply defeat.

At the beginning, I said this couple had been married for 251 years. I have little doubt that we will all shuffle off this mortal coil while they continue to outlive us with their dueling paintbrushes ready to strike angry cobras to ensure their marriage remains exactly 50/50.

Just wrong!

Located in Salisbury, North Carolina this historic home is listed for $389,000.