Like Hazelberg, This Graceland Replica Ain’t Nothing But a (Hound) Dog

Our dog Hazelberg would absolutely trash the Elvis inspired home featured in this week’s column. Yeeeesssss, what a combo, right? Hazelberg and Elvis, Elvis and Hazelberg. They are the dynamic duo that make you go “ugh.”

In no way is this meant to disparage Elvis. I’m a huge Elvis fan. Huuuuggggeeee. He was such an incredible talent. Hazelberg, well, I’m absolutely disparaging that little beast. All of his farting and snoring while sleeping on the couch aside, Hazelberg has no talent.

What Hazelberg and Elvis have in common, however, is their complete lack of taste when it comes to decorating a house. In that sense, I would say they are identical. I-Dentical!

The owners replicated Graceland right down to the little white benches, the lions and the green shutters. You’ve just gotten a little bit nervous about the inside, haven’t you? Well buck up Bubba, we’re going inside.

Welcome to the mausoleum! Hazelberg would leave his stubby-legged paw prints all over the white floor and white carpeting as well as rubbing his muzzle all over the white walls. You can tell by my prose that there is a lot of white which makes the red-stained glass hit you in the head like a bat. Doink!

Hazelberg would love the couch. Just look at all the space he would have for his farting and snoring.

Even the chandelier is sad.

I beg you, please look up Graceland on Wiki. Elvis had these same stained glass peacocks in his house. (I’d post a picture myself, but they might be copyrighted and nobody wants an upset E.) People never cease to amaze me.

Okay, I absolutely have to point out the curtains. Aside from being identical to the ones Elvis had in Graceland, they bring to mind a precocious young lady by the name of Violet Beauregarde. You remember Violet, don’t you? She’s the one who blew up like a balloon and got sent down the garbage shoot.

Now let’s go to Elvis and Hazelberg’s most favorite room of this entire home. The one where he and Elvis were most sympatico.

The jungle room, baby!!!

Do not let the casket curtains distract you. The furniture in said jungle room knock-off is covered in fur. Hazelberg would love to make “nice-nice” with that couch, the lamp, shoot even the poor panda sitting in the corner, minding their own business. For the record, it should be noted that the panda is sitting on a fur-lined chair.

Look at all that green carpeting on the ceiling. You can just smell the peanut butter and banana sandwiches if you close your eyes. Mercy.

I’ve reached the point yet again, where I have seen enough to know I have seen too much. So on behalf of Elvis and Hazelberg I say, “thank ya’ thank ya’ very much.”

Hazelberg!!!!

Located in Beechgrove, Tennessee this home is listed for $3.2 million.