AI Deserves a Swift Pickleball Paddle After Booting Jeeves From This Illinois Home

Fair warning, I am underdressed to write about the home featured in this week’s column. But allow me to say that unless you are in a three piece suit with a pocket watch or wearing some dress with 10 pounds of underwear, a parasol, and go around saying “Well I do declare,” then, you too, are underdressed for this house. I am dressed as I need to be in case I get an opportunity to play pickleball. Pickleball is life.

Me when I am not wearing 10 pounds of underwear and I get to play pickleball. I digress.

Now, while I have never been a fan of formal wear, I would absolutely have no issues wearing my most formal pickleball outfit for this home because what has been done to it in the listing is an abomination. I am offended on behalf of this house. Let’s do this.

The foyer. I know some folks may think the color is a little much, and you may look as though you’re suntanned like Jeeves over there, but I find that refreshing from all the tired gray and white I’ve been seeing these past couple of years.

Yes! That face exactly! Why in the hell would anyone get rid of Jeeves? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Known as the Hidden Museum, the description says it is “home to a museum-quality art collection” and then they do this.

Someone please explain to me how the discontinued Lowe’s light fixture is better than the one that is actually hanging in the room. So much for the museum-like art.

Yes, you can feel the glow from the other rooms coming through the doorways, but that chandelier is wonderful.

By all means, let’s replace the art with tacky plastic plants. The computer that generated these photos should meet its end from a pickleball paddle.

Yeah, just like that.

Again, the elimination of Jeeves is offensive. Perhaps they dumped him into the raging river under the double skies outside the window, which were not in the other photo.

Okay, I have one more for you.

Granted, the piano may be precariously close to the stairs, but at least you are accompanied by the four music heads, the reggae man, and the naked top hat lady. Let’s see what AI came up with, shall we?

Well sure, the base of the stairs is a perfect place for your home office. Give me the reggae man and the naked top hat lady any of the week and twice on Sunday. 

What is worse is that this goes on and on and on. I’d take the house as is as opposed to this AI nightmare that was created. Ugh.

You know what isn’t an atrocity? Pickleball.

Yes, yes. Let’s play indeed. 

Located in Lake Forest, Illinois, the six-bedroom, eight-and-a-half bathroom home is listed for $2.89 million.