Bring the Crosses and Garlic Because This NJ Horror Home Will Jeebie Your Heebies

There are times when the opening description of a home does not do it justice. “Investor Special! Builder’s Dream! Needs a major rehab” is the opening line to the home featured in this week’s column. The listing agent clearly left off: “Would make a great location for a horror movie.”

This is a more accurate representation of the home. Do listing agents have the freedom to use gifs in the descriptions? Asking for a friend.

I am not sure if the gas can in the front is a remodeling tool or the leftover attempt at trying to burn down this home, which is possessed by some evil witch who is fireproof. Come on, let’s go inside.

The majority of the photos have flashlight lighting. Tell me you would not expect to see some angry witch with bad hair come running down this hallway at you. You are ready to run right freakin’ now and you are sitting at home in PJs and bunny slippers. That is not survivor attire. Just sayin’.

These people are survivors. That’s all I’m going to say.

The effort to get these photos would be a hard pass from yours truly. The Realtor must have been draped in crosses and garlic to keep the evil spirits at bay. Let’s get out of the basement and look at the upstairs.

Who knew the demon possessing this horror house had a little bit of Imelda Marcos in them? It begs the question, how many pairs of shoes do ghosts need in order to do a proper haunting?

Wow. There’s just really nothing reassuring about the upstairs or the downstairs. I guess a flashlight can only do so much. Brace yourself for the horror that is the bathrooms.

That’s actually not too bad. The shower could use a fumigation and the ring of light around the commode and sink warms up the space. I know, I know, it’s a stretch. Humor me will you? On to the primary bathroom.

Ay chihuahua! The best thing I can say about this bathroom is that the toilet paper conveys. I don’t know if that’s true but at least you have something to clean up with when the poltergeist come out of the walls and scare the be-jeebers out of you.

I have to agree with Moira on this one. The house, the horror, from top to bottom and inside and out, is all too much. Nope.

See more of this New Jersey home listed for $329,000.