Jersey Home Rings in the New Year and Brings Out the Shine
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Woo Hoo! January 1, 2025! Happy New Year my lovelies!!! I have little doubt that all of you had a fabulous time ringing in the New Year. Parties, champagne, dancing, perhaps a little bit too much champagne. In honor of the new year and taking into consideration how you are feeling this morning, I have calculated that the best time for you to see the house featured in this week’s column is right now. It can not possibly make you feel sicker than you already are and because of the late night and champagne you will not remember it after today.
You see, it’s a gift from me to you to ring in the new year. What can I say? I’m a giver. I digress.
I am going to assume aspirin is already on board. Let us ring in the first Wednesday WTF of 2025!
The foyer is super bright and shiny. There are lots of mirrors and the spiky light fixture makes all kinds of weird squiggly lines on the ceiling. It is reminiscent of the disco you went to last night. Are there even discos anymore? I can ask such silly questions because I know your eyes haven’t stopped hard blinking just yet.
It is as though that owl is looking right into your soul and it’s saying, “I know what you did last night.” Hoot, hoot. The only issue is that the laundry area is right off the foyer.
When you open the door to get to the machines the door blocks the stairway. Not to mention how cramped the laundry room seems to be.
I know, I know. The night is catching up with you. Let’s go to the kitchen to get some coffee.
Yeah, there is a lot going on in this kitchen and dining area. It is a solid plan to be wearing multiple pairs of sunglasses to protect the ‘ol rods and cones. I can feel that the consistency of such a bright reflective kitchen did not help and you need to get to the bathroom. I got you covered fam.
Okay, okay, I did you dirty on that one. How about some billiards?
Never in my life have I seen a mirrored pool table with matching blinds. That’s something. And with that, my friends, I bring this to an end because truly, you have suffered enough. May you and your family have an incredible 2025 and that your resolutions bring you joy.
See all the photos of this East Brunswick, New Jersey home.
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OMG that entry is something else! The inside and outside look like two different houses.
Oh without a doubt. You’d never what all was happening in that home from the outside. Crazy. Thanks for the read. Here’s hoping you have a great year.
Please advise Tippi Hedren to refrain from entering the powder room overrun with congregating birds. Happy New Year to you, Mimi, and your family, and to Candy’s Dirt writers and readers.
All those birds. People are amazing. Wishing you the best in the New Year Rabbi. Be well.
At least you can use the grab bar when you’re doing laundry. Happy new year, Mimi!
I saw that grab bar too. Crazy. Happy New Year to you and your Cody. Here’s to another year of whackidoo homes.
Mrs. Perez,
I’ll have to beg forgiveness for not reading your articles for the last few weeks. Suffice to say, I’ve come back just in time for a good one. I would’ve thought it impossible before that anything could ever outdazzle this literal gem of a home (the use of that much crystal glass in a home should be illegal), but I shouldn’t have been surprised to note that once again, the quality of your work outshines any competitors, inanimate or otherwise.
As I ring in the new year, I feel nothing but gratefulness and security in the knowledge that of all the real estate journalists, at least one has the decency and noble nature necessary to write genuinely constructive and helpful articles. I remain convinced that without your Wednesday WTF articles, the world would be left in a much deeper rut than it would have been otherwise. So, allow me to say, on behalf of all your readers, Thank you Mrs. Perez
As your #1 fan, I eagerly await the arrival of any and all “Mimi-Merch (Patent Pending)”. Nothing would make me prouder than to stroll about my day wearing a shirt with your face emblazoned on the front.
Whilst I ring in the new year, I feel nothing but gratefulness and security in the knowledge that of all the real estate journalists, at least one has the decency and noble nature necessary to write genuinely constructive and helpful articles. I remain convinced that without your Wednesday WTF articles, the world would be left in a much deeper rut than it would have been otherwise. So, allow me to say, on behalf of all your readers, Thank you Mrs. Perez. This house may sparkle like a diamond, but you truly are a gem.
I sign most sincerely yours,
Reginald Smacklebottom
Mr. Smacklebottom – thank you again for your very kind words. I am glad my humor pleases you. Stay warm these next couple of days. Thank you for the read.