This Virtually-Staged California Home Is a Dungeon, I Mean, Doozy

The house featured in this week’s column is a doozy. That’s right, a doozy. Doozy is such an incredibly fun word and fits this house to a tee. It has been a while since I have face-palmed myself over a listing. But this home is worthy of squeezing one’s head and rolling the ‘ol eyeballs.

Now at first glance, I thought this was just your typical home. The staging was nothing out of the ordinary but then I noticed that some of the pictures said “virtually staged.” Why would a typical, ho-hum home need virtual staging? So after I did some researching I got my answer and let me tell you, it is a doozy.

This 1968 ranch home has three-bedrooms, two-bathrooms and is 1,500 square feet in size. It is located at 2249 Lonsdale Street, Camarillo, California. The owners are asking $899,999. It may not look like it but believe me, this house has seen some stuff and by that I mean a lot of stuff. Like a lot, a lot. Enough with the prelude let us proceed.

Stipper pole! Stripper poles are becoming all the rage as a different form of in-home exercise. You know you have a great core if you can work that pole.

Now we are at the nitty gritty. This unassuming home is a porn house complete with chains, cuffs, a rubber mattress and a Peleton bike. I do not know about you but my butt hurts just looking at the seat of that bike.

So the Peleton bike was too much in the last room? Okay.

Here is another room with the same chain set up only with what seems to be a fun house mirror above the bed. Do not worry though, just click the arrow and you can see what this room looks like virtually staged.

Nothing screams porn like having a medical office in your house. Is this a doctor from medieval times that requires chains to be hanging from the ceiling and the walls? Do not worry though, you can see what this room looks like virtually staged. And this poor realtor, this poor, poor realtor.

The last line of the description they wrote says: “There is no medical related services of any kind happening in this home.” But there is an incredible amount of porn being filmed. Mercy!

Explore more photos of this California Ranch home — a virtually-staged porn doozy — on its listing.