No Napping Allowed While Looking At This Delightful Handyman Special

In a distant time long, long ago I used to work as a temp. It was great. No commitment to any one company and I worked when I wanted. Now there was this one gig that was sensational. They paid really well and had no policy against napping during the work day. Well, at least I do not think they had a policy against napping. While I never asked, I did indeed nap.

What was truly amazing is that these folks kept requesting me by name because I was such a hard worker and I was an absolutely delightful person. Ya got that, haters? Delightful!

Now, now. Little did I know at the time that that temp gig was my dream job. I think that is why I can relate to the listing agent for the home featured in this week’s column. Dollars to donuts they had a job where they could nap and still get paid but it ended and now it is back to the grind. That is the only thing that can explain the photos for this house. I have never been more simpatico with a listing agent in my life.

The home is located at 131-16 115 Ave, South Ozone Park, New York. I am guessing it is the wavy house in the middle located behind the black SUV. It is a three-bedroom, two-bath house and the owners are asking $235,000. A word to the wise: you better not dilly-dally because it has only been listed on Realtor.com for 980-plus days.

For starters, you are going to want to get a cover for the ceiling fixture.

You will also need to paint the walls and perhaps make an effort to have the cabinets match. That is assuming this is a photo of the kitchen located in this particular house as opposed to some other home. However, you will definitely want to pay extra for the anti-gravity oranges.

The description does say this is a handyman special.

So you will definitely want to put the door back on the track, finish the tape and bed then paint on this little issue, and while it is hard to make out what is in the last picture I am fairly sure it is something that will need some type of repair.

I know what you are thinking. “This listing agent has lost their mind.” I disagree. I think they are the most delightful listing agent you will ever come across that is simply in dire need of a nap.

You know the lie you tell yourself when you are tired. “It’s good enough. No one will notice.” Come on, let us check out the bathrooms.

I cannot keep it up any longer. There is no way to polish this turd. Every photo of this house is upside down, on its side or blurry and they were each uploaded multiple times. It was as though the listing agent took a face nap on his keyboard and his nose landed on the return key.

That is the most legitimate representation of this post. That and the fact that I am delightful.

Why thank you, thank you very much.

For more photos go here.