There’s So Much Marble in This Michigan Home That It’s Really Stoned

There is an unwritten code amongst the ladies that if we see one of the sisters with lipstick on their teeth, we suck and run our tongue over our teeth until she does the same to remove said lipstick. That’s the girl code. It’s what we do to support our fellow sisters so they can conquer the world. Smash the patriarchy!

I digress.

If only there was a code for people remodeling their homes. Psychedelic pink for your living room wall, we pat our tummies in a counter-clockwise motion. You select marble flooring where you cannot tell where the floor ends and the wall begins, we bang our heads against a wall.

This brings us to the home featured in this week’s column. Honey, go get the aspirin because it is a serious headbanger.

The four-bedroom, four-and-a-half bathroom ranch home is located at 34765 Northland Drive, Livonia, Michigan. The almost 2,200 square foot home was completely remodeled in 2022. New roof, new furnace, new hot water tank, the list goes on. What the listing agent did not mention was the flooring. The owner is asking almost $499K.

That is a lot of marble and I do not think the recessed lighting is having the effect for which they were hoping.

The televisions are against the same wall. That is one way to get that “surround sound” effect.

There is more.

There is no way, no way you could have your daily constitutional in this bathroom and not feel like you are taking a Rorschach test.

If there was one question I could ask this homeowner it would be what exactly does he do in the bathroom that he needs to have floor-to-ceiling marble? If we equate this bathroom to having lipstick on your teeth, we would have done the signal so much we’d be toothless because this guy did not have a clue that perhaps all this marble was perhaps too much.

There is one person that could explain the thought process behind the flooring decision. Take it away Snoop.

For more photos, go here.