Puns Make This Concrete House Hard to Bear

True confession time, people. One of my lesser known skills is mixing cement. Surprising, yes? My friends do not believe that I can make cement. They have asked for concrete evidence.

Ba dum, dum. 

Oh I know, that was a groaner at best. Try out this joke.

One day when I was mixing concrete a duck flew into my backyard and just stared at me the entire time. I ended up with a ton of quacks in my house.

Now before you fine folks flood CandysDirt.com with messages that one of their writers has left the zoo, settle down. These jokes serve a purpose. If you have gotten a little nervous just now, that shows you have read this column before and your natural preservation instincts have kicked in.

The house featured this week is made out of concrete. When I say house, I mean the entire house, not just the foundation. I mean the walls, the ceilings, and the roof. The whole thing is one big piece of concrete and believe me, it looks like a house made out of concrete.

This monument to cement, sand, and water sits on 2.6 acres and is located at 80 SE Bracken Ter, South Beach, Oregon. It has four bedrooms and four bathrooms and is almost 3,000 square feet. The owners are asking $800K.

Now the location of this mastodon is wonderful. It is a minute’s walk to the beach. Just make sure you leave the concrete shoes at home or you will be swimming with da fishes …

Ba dum, dum.

Let us move on to looking at the house, shall we?

This is a completely concrete room in this completely concrete house. 

A selling point is that the house is built to last with minimal maintenance. The listing agent says it can withstand a 9.6 earthquake, is fireproof, and is windproof. In other words, this bad boy is going nowhere.

But somehow, when I look at the pictures, all I can feel is pain shooting up my feet and into my legs.

“Termites and mold will not need to be treated in this home!” That is nice and all but what sorcery do you have to perform to make this seem like a cozy home as opposed to Alcatraz?

It does not even matter that the flowers are dead. Dead flowers are softer than anything else in this house.

Has anyone else noticed the many quacks in the floor throughout the home? 

It is time for one more joke before I bring this to an end. 

What do you call an apple filled with cement? Hardcore! That is the only type of apple that suits this house.

Remember to tip your servers on the way out!

To see more photos, go here.