The St. Louis Row House We Don’t Even Know How To Explain

This week’s Wednesday WTF is a St. Louis house that broke my dang brain. I don’t even know how to explain this house because gestures, grunts, and squeaks don’t work in written format.

First, let me say that the original listing was apparently removed a couple of days ago, which gave me a little bit of sads because for once I hadn’t saved the photos in case the listing went goodbye like I usually do.

I also had a little bit of panic because I had already started writing this in my head, and it’s been a very long week already and I do not have room in my cranium to start over.

But then I found that it hadn’t been scrubbed from all the internet because I found the listing on a site that still (at the time of this writing) displayed both the photos for this St. Louis house and the hard-to-pin-down listing language.

So anyway, I’m just going to show you some of these photos — and more than usual because there’s a chance this listing will disappear.

But first, the listing:

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn’t be and what it wouldn’t be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I’ll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created – all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.”

But then other sites (the ones that reflect that the listing has been removed) have, uh, a more sedate and expected listing from a previous outing on the market, and zero cribbing from Lewis Carroll.

“Located on a quiet tree lined street this Lafayette Square Two family home is ready for you to move right in, or keep it as an investment if that is your preference. Both units have spacious decks, lovely efficient kitchens and wood-burning fireplaces. The first unit has one bedroom, a full bath and powder room in the lower level off the family room. The unfinished portion of the basement has great storage and the laundry for the first unit. Upstairs you will find a two bedroom, two bath townhouse unit with an in unit laundry. What a great way to live in Historic Lafayette Square – have your tenant help pay your mortgage!”

At any rate, let’s take a gander at this only weapon in the war against reality.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Oh, did you think I was done? I’m not even. This St. Louis pad is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to WTFery. I could go all day.*

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Did I mention the (possible) human sacrifice chamber?

• 

Did you think I was out of house porn? We are never out of house porn.

• 

• 

• 

There are three normal things in this house:

This Ikea-flavored bathroom, and …

• 

• 

the garden.

And that is all. I don’t even know how to explain any of this. I’m guessing that nobody else did either so they took it off the market to uh, make it less taste specific.

So, Realtors, sound off. What do we do with this? Let us know in the comments.

*I cannot go all day. I’m elderly and I like naps. But I talk a big game.