The Chicago Bungalow That Left Us Bemused and Confused

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Oh, it only gets better from here.

Our esteemed founder, Candy Evans, can probably tell us more about the area our Wednesday WTF is in since she grew up in Chicago. But what I bring to the party this week is a bit of bemusement and a whole lot of confusion.

You’re welcome.

So, according to the listing, this 1904 home is tucked into a tiny triangle of the northwest side of the Villa District of Chicago, one of the city’s smallest neighborhoods, and one that is known for providing the feel of a country home within 15 minutes of the city center.

Outside, the home looks idyllic, with cozy gardens and a sparkling pool.

Inside, uh, that’s a different story. And, really, once you get up close to the house on the outside, the different story actually starts uh … here.

Sidebar: Realtors, maybe I’m just COVID Cranky these days, but why would you include pictures of a house in any sort of dishabille? Why would you intentionally include photos that make a house look unkempt and in ill repair?

At any rate, depending on why you read the Wednesday WTF, it either only gets better from here, or worse.

Now, first, we have some rooms that are not … horrible. Maybe overdone, maybe in need of some paring down (I mean, I’m no Marie Kondo and even I went a little twitchy at the number of geegaws in every room), and maybe taste specific, but nothing you couldn’t live with.

And there are a couple of bathrooms that I uh, don’t understand in regards to design aesthetic, but to each his own.

Like, have you ever wanted a 360 degree view of yourself peeing? Also, can we talk about how out of place this mirror ball of a bathroom is in what appears to be some kind of abandoned cottage design theme?

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Or how about the Rattapper — the rattan commode for all your country pooping needs?

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But lest you think that’s the worst of it, in the immortal words of ’90s era Vanessa Williams, I saved the best for last.

Behold, the kitchen.

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I mean, at least I THINK it’s the kitchen. It has a stove. It has a sink. It has 500,000 things I don’t even know how to explain. Do you cook in this kitchen, or just scythe your way through it so you can answer the door for Postmates? Is it a kitchen, or a room cursed by an evil witch because it’s on the way to a sleeping princess?

I mean, what in the Sam Hill is going on here?

If you know, please let us know in the comments. Want to see more of this house? Click here.

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Adlene Neely Dealey

Adlene has been a real estate writer for the better half of a decade, but only recently came to CandysDirt.com to write our Wednesday WTF column. Have a doozy of a listing not fit for public consumption? She wants to see it.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Paul J Williams says

    I haven’t shrieked like this at your column in quite a while. It was like watching a scary movie!

  2. Susan says

    All I can say is the kitchen stove is gorgeous! But I’m kinda terrified of all the rest. Do you think spells are cast in that kitchen?

  3. The_Overdog says

    That’s what the house looked like after Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather finished their wand fight.

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