The Missouri Home That Time Forgot

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So, we all know that readers love some time capsules. Homes that are perfectly maintained, never-changed boxes of unfettered design sense from a specific era are fun to look at, for sure.

Do you keep that wallpaper? After all, it looks like something you almost ordered for twelvety hundred American dollars two months ago and chickened out on. Do you keep the flooring? Sure, they could use some refinishing, but they’re almost one-of-a-kind in a tear down world.

So with that, we bring you a Wednesday WTF that is indeed a time capsule. And remember, dear readers, WTF doesn’t always mean disaster — sometimes it’s the opposite.

This seven-bedroom, nine-bathroom home on 36 acres of prime Freeburg, Missouri, land is a little shy.

Come closer.

Closer …

A liiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttle closer …

If you’re thinking I should hurry the um, fudge up, OK, fine, here.

So, a bit about this house as we scroll through some photos.

One, it appears to have two kitchens, one in Brady Bunch, the other in cornea-searing yellow.

Two, it has a pool, but that pool likely needs a lot of work. But it’s an indoor pool, and the building itself looks pretty nice.

It also has a spiral staircase that traverses all three floors of the home, ending at the bottom with a fountain that your children definitely won’t immediately leap into all the time. It also has a huge basement.

And I kind of love the curved library.

And I’m a fan of this wallpaper, but not the urine-colored carpet.

I don’t hate the proportions of the master suite, but it’s definitely time to get rid of the wallpaper, carpet, and light fixtures. And I’m on the fence about that exposed brick, too.

And the wallpaper in this bathroom, I can’t decide if it’s horrible, or just too much of a good thing, or too much of a bad thing.

The 10,000-square-foot house is priced at $475,000, and of course, there are more pictures.

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Adlene Neely Dealey

Adlene has been a real estate writer for the better half of a decade, but only recently came to to write our Wednesday WTF column. Have a doozy of a listing not fit for public consumption? She wants to see it.

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