There Is No Place for Your ‘Fake’ Cocaine in a Listing Photo

Gather round, children, as Miss Real Estate Manners provides you, gratis, some knowledge that evidently is not readily obvious to some: Cocaine has no place in a real estate listing photo.

Now, we’ve had these discussions before — or, at least, my predecessor has. Don’t confuse “going viral” with a listing for actually marketing it to prospective buyers. Stop hiring half-naked models and dirty dancers, and highlighting the sex dungeons.

Add to that: Leaving lines of cocaine on the kitchen counter.

Loves, we cannot believe we have to say this, but leave your Colombian Bam Bam out of your listing photos. Your Booger Sugar has no place in your staging plan. I repeat, do NOT display lines of Bolivian Marching Powder, Nose Cardio, Betty White, Devil’s Dandruff, Crockett and Tubbs, Super Folgers, or Rowdy Powder in the photos you use to market a listing.

Don’t be Jeff of Oak Park, Michigan. Jeff, who says he is the boyfriend of the seller of a home. Jeff told Detroit TV station Channel 7 WXYZ he said he put the lines of white substance there as a joke.

I say “says he is the boyfriend” because if my boyfriend did this he would be my former boyfriend, or possibly my late boyfriend.

“I was like, I’m wondering if I did something like this if anybody would even notice or if somebody did notice it, that it would go viral and it went viral,” Jeff told the station. “It went too viral.”

Jeff told the station it was actually headache powder, which is probably another egregious sin because let’s face it, if your boyfriend is Jeff he likely does a lot of bonehead things and you frequently find yourself reaching for the headache powder, and now he has both created a headache for you and robbed you of your means of getting rid of it.

The home, which is For Sale By Owner (and Jeff, apparently), has gotten thousands of views, but as of this date, is still on the market.

Zillow removed the photo because it violated their terms of service. If you’re wondering if Jeff was sorry, the listing gives you a clue:

“Location neighborhood and the house is very nice needs about $7-$8000 to be 100% Thanks Dave and Chuck your mention of our house on your show gave us a exposure ( pic was Goodys Headache Powder for the record) lol”

Anybody want to explain exposure versus interest to Jeff, or should we leave him alone with his headache powder?