Florida Man Very Unhappy With His $9,000 Strip

Florida man

Photo courtesy Google Earth

Now, first, let me say that it is almost universally known that any story with a headline that starts with, “Florida man …” is going to be a doozy. There was even a social media game a month ago where you looked up the month and day of your birth along with the phrase “Florida man” on Google, just to see what headline you’d get.

For the record, I got, “FLORIDA MAN THROWS TOILET THROUGH SCHOOL BOARD BUILDING WINDOW IN ILLINOIS, IS ARRESTED SITTING ON ANOTHER.”

You should try this, by the way, and tell us in the comments what Google gave you.

At any rate, this week’s Wednesday WTF does indeed bear a headline that includes that key phrase, and yes, it is a real estate-related doozy.

You see, like many folks who head to county auctions to bid on properties for pennies on the dollar, Florida man Kerville Holness was looking for a steal. Instead, to borrow our own vernacular, he got an unintentional splurge.

He thought he snagged a $177,000 villa for $9,100 at a Broward County auction. That would’ve been a helluva steal.

But instead, he actually paid for the strip of land between two homes, which was actually worth $50, the Orlando Sun-Sentinel reported.

And now, well, he feels ripped off. Because there is literally nothing he can do with this plot of land, except be a butthead to innocent people, namely, the owners of the villas flanking his overpriced piece of Florida.

“If I’m vindictive enough, I can cut right through the garage wall and the home to get to my air space, but what use would that be to me?” he said.

“If we have to move our mailbox, we’ll move our mailbox,” one of the homeowners said.

The plot of land Holness bought is a foot wide, and about 100 feet long, stretching from the curb, along two driveways, beneath the wall separating the two garages, and out the back of the property. Nobody is sure why the developer of the subdivision never included the strip with one or both of the villas flanking it, but when the company dissolved, it quit paying taxes on it.

The county says it can’t refund money spent at property tax auctions, so no word yet on what Holness will do with his very pricey lawn mowing obligation.

So, uh, what do you do with a one-foot strip of land? Show us some of your best design ideas!

 

4 Comment

  • mm

    How did Broward County come to own that land? I mean, buyers should do a little more research… especially when it comes to buying online. But I just wonder how that little strip came to the county?

  • My Google search returned three beauts:

    “Florida man tries to swim away from police, is subdued by algae,”

    “Florida man accused of shooting at home after woman leaves negative restaurant review.”

    “Florida man jailed after giving his girlfriend a wet willy.”

  • “Florida Man Arrested for Attempted Strip Tease at Restaurant.” I chose not to read the article because it is so much more amusing to imagine what an attempted strip tease might entail.

    Years ago my neighbor bought a car at auction, and was dismayed when it was delivered in about a dozen boxes. It had been seized in a drug bust and dismantled during the search for any and all contraband.

  • A Wall.

    Memorialize FL properly.