Let’s Do The Time Warp Again: The Vertigo Master Suite Edition

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time warpAlthough we’re no stranger to properties time forgot, this week’s Wednesday WTF is most definitely a time warp.

time warp

Once again, we have found that the most innocuous looking houses hold the most secrets inside. And the secrets this seemingly unassuming Ranch-style home in Las Vegas holds? Well, let’s just say they were special enough to assemble a panel of readers to discuss exactly what was going on.

Now, Jo England, our esteemed Executive Editor, said she knew the home was special before she even saw the interior photos, but I think the rest of us were pretty much in agreement that this house is a sleeping rabid squirrel of a property: You don’t know until you poke it that it might eat your face off.

In other words, sometimes we cover “O” homes. This is more of a, “Oh …” home.

Jo: “I knew this one was going to be special because of those crazy topiaries in the front yard. It’s like Betty Draper-meets-Brady Bunch.”

But then we looked at the interior photos, and the reactions came pouring in.

Melissa: “Wtf indeed. Is that AstroTurf in the living room? What is that white fluffy carpet thing?”

Me: “The fluffy white carpet probably bites.”

Melissa: “I’m sure of it. I think the whole house bites.”

Me: “If you flip back and forth between pic three and four, it looks like magic. Like the accordion doors open on their own.”

I wish I could tell you that this was the extent of the wtfery, but we still have several bathrooms and a master suite to get to, so gird your loins.

Jo: “The master suite is an acid trip.”

Me: “I had to quit looking at the master because it was giving me vertigo.”

Melissa: “OMG. The master. And there are at least four sitting areas but only one has real conversation space. Was this owned by an old mobster or Vegas entertainer?”

Me: “That master carpet would be a nice caftan pattern. I could see Mrs. Roper wearing a caftan with that print. Also, I want to know how many Ambien you’d need to be able to fall asleep in that master.”

Me: “On the plus side, I don’t remember seeing carpet in the bathrooms. But I can’t bring myself to go back and look right now.”

Melissa: “The black and yellow bathroom was (oddly) the most offensive one. Master bath definitely had that same psychedelic carpet.”

Me: “I don’t hate that one bathroom with the poppy wallpaper in that one bathroom.”

Brittany: “I had no idea Ginger McKenna was offering interior design services from the grave…”

Candy: “Oh my. Either a Sultan or Saudi lesser king, but TBH that poppy wallpaper in the bath?”

Melissa: “It’s just unreal. That bar off the green room is also an office, right? No carpet in the other two bathrooms and carpet in the master stops before  the white toilet and light blue bidet. So they clearly learned that lesson.”

Me: “I mean, I’m all for kitsch, but this is something else.”

Cydney and Melissa were skeptical that the amount of work needed in the home would make it a good buy, considering its listing price.

Cydney: “I am sorry that is a total update house. It’s retail for $680K? You have to touch every room! Does it have an ARV of close to a million???”

Melissa: “But it’s 5% under market! (Sarcasm) 5000 sq feet, it’s probably $200k to fix up.”

Cydney: “That’s what I thought, but you want to get a premium price fixed up. It is stuck in the 70s. I guess I am not at that level of flipping.”

Melissa: “The kitchen seems to have new appliances though. The kitchen actually seems decently functional, just ugly. I don’t know many people who want to pay market rate for that much work.”

Cydney: “Exactly. If it was maybe $450-500K. At the price and putting $200K, need to sell at 900K. And a new fridge is not enough.”

But our Karen Eubank was all in.

Karen: “My, my,my,my I’d love to get a hold of this with a $100K budget!”

We also had issues with the backyard.

Jo: “Also, the backyard is a sand pit. Total let down after the curb appeal.”

Me: “There should be a pool there. Or a fire pit for all the carpet.”

What do you guys think? Want to see more pictures? Click here. Want to see some of our other time warp Wednesday WTFs? Click here.

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Bethany Erickson

Bethany Erickson lives in a 1961 Fox and Jacobs home with her husband, a second-grader, and Conrad Bain the dog. If she won the lottery, she'd by an E. Faye Jones home. She's taken home a few awards for her writing, including a Gold award for Best Series at the 2018 National Association of Real Estate Editors journalism awards, a 2018 Hugh Aynesworth Award for Editorial Opinion from the Dallas Press Club, and a 2019 award from NAREE for a piece linking Medicaid expansion with housing insecurity. She is a member of the Online News Association, the Education Writers Association, the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences, and the Society of Professional Journalists. She doesn't like lima beans or the word moist.

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