The One Where Your Man Cave Is In an Actual Cave Cave

Sometimes, the Wednesday WTF is the Wednesday WTF because it’s a crazy ball of lunacy. But sometimes, as in the case of this week’s cave house, it’s because it’s pretty freaking’ cool.

Meet the Beckham Creek Cave Lodge. Tucked into the tiny unincorporated community of Parthenon, Arkansas, and the Little Buffalo River, it currently serves as a private resort that caters to weddings, family reunions, corporate retreats, and the like.

But it’s in a mother-flippin’ (no offense to mothers) cave. A cave. It’s a 5,572 square foot, four-bedroom, four-bath house INSIDE A CAVE.

The home was built in 1989. I’m not sure why someone looked at a cave and thought, “Hey, once I move the bats out, this would make a great house,” but here we are, with a giant house that has a helicopter landing pad, an indoor waterfall, and a lake.

I mean, if you buy this house, A) you have to invite me to visit and B) also, you’re going to be …

But this house, seriously. It’s been renovated recently, listing agent Rayne Davidson with ARKANSAS DIAMOND REALTY said, and the entire lodge is fed by an underground (I mean, under the floor you walk on inside the cave underground) spring. It has a geothermal heating system, and a back-lit bluff line drive.

It also has horse stables and a maintenance barn, as well as an extra apartment in case there’s someone you tolerate less than everyone else and you just need them to take a step back.

Inside, furnishings and finishes have been built to incorporate all those stalagmites and stalactites and what have you.  The master suite features a round bed (I mean, what would Fred Flintstone do?), and a spa-like bathroom. The other three rooms also have en-suite bathrooms, too.

“The kitchen is a gourmet chef’s dream, with high-end gas appliances and double convection ovens,” the lodge website says. When you’re done eating, you can watch a movie on the 75 inch, cave wall-mounted LED TV.

Outside, you can walk down to the catch-and-release pond on the property, or grill out on the deck. You can also grab a canoe and hit the pond, or you can go hiking. You’re also about 12 miles from the Buffalo National River for kayaking and more hiking, and you can hit the White River (a 45-minute drive) for trout fishing.

But seriously, guys, a cave. Who wants to go like, quartersies on a cave?