Wednesday WTF: A Brief Hisss-tory of Commodal Nopes

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I can’t imagine anything more WTF than getting bitten on the posterior by anything whilst trying to settle down on a toilet to do one’s business.

And yet, here we are.

This week’s Wednesday WTF comes from Thailand, where nature comes up through your toilet and bites you on the ass.

I’m not even kidding.

Meet Panarat Chaiyaboon, who was — according to the New York Times, doing her bidness on the porcelain throne when something bit her.

“She jumped up to see a scene straight out of a nightmare: an 8-foot python emerging from her toilet,” the story reads.

Aw. Hell. Nah.

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But no, the story gets worse.

Seems that wasn’t the last snake. A week later, her daughter finds a second python in the same toilet.wtf

“The daughter was so shaken, she went to stay with relatives,” the story says.

She’s still braver than me because I would’ve been staying with relatives in like Siberia or the Arctic because there better the hell not be snakes in Siberia or the Arctic.

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Now, what this story also rather blithely mentions is that there are like 200 species of snakes in Thailand, “including about three dozen that are venomous.”

Aw. Hell. Nah. Squared. Just marked Thailand off the visit list.

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“As long as you don’t provoke them, they won’t hurt you,” one official said. The last time someone told me that about a living creature, I ended up running for my life and my car got headbutted by a donkey, and all I did was stand there eating Whataburger.

Now, yes, I know snakes do good things like eat rats and bugs and such, and I have this longstanding deal with nature — don’t bite me in the butt, and I’ll let you eat whatever rats and bugs you want.

But if you bite me in the butt, I will burn my house down with you in it.