Arlington Puts The Kibosh on Swanky Swingers Club Located in Half-Mil Hilltop House

Let’s just say that this story by Robert Wilonsky has made my week.

The 5,069-square-foot mansion at 2429 N. Cooper Street in Arlington was purchased just last year for $500,000 even. The contemporary home, built in 1973, has four bedrooms, four full and one half bath, three living areas, two dining areas, and a pool. The site is private, and there are enormous windows throughout the home dousing each room in natural light. From that description, I’m sure you already guessed that this would be the perfect place for an orgy, right?

That’s what swingers and homeowners David and Shannon Esopenko thought when they launched the Eutopia swingers club at the home, inviting couple in for an “upscale, yet unpretentious, classy yet inviting” evening of … well, you know.

” … we have bent over backwards to make sure we didn’t interfere with our neighbors,” says David.

Look, David, I don’t care what position you do the naked mambo in, neighbors are obviously unhappy with Eutopia.

Arlington city officials are saying they want to shut down Eutopia because it’s an unlicensed home-based business that generates a lot of traffic. The Esopenkos are charging $80 for couples and single men and $20 per single woman to attend their “parties,” so the city of Arlington considers this a pay-to-play situation. Very subtle, Arlington. At least you didn’t call the SWAT team and raid the place like you did for these poor hippies.

UPDATE: According to Wilonsky, the Esopenko’s are chafing under Arlington’s cease and desist letter, and won’t switch positions.

Esopenko says he hasn’t received the letter from Arlington and will continue hosting parties — including a “Jersey Night” on the books for Saturday night, pre-Super Bowl. Because as far as he’s concerned, that’s all these are — parties. He says people aren’t even allowed into the house until they’ve been put on a guest list via an approved website or a pre-”mini-interview” he conducts.

“We don’t consider ourselves a business,” Esopenko says. “We don’t have employees, We don’t take people’s money. We take suggested donations, which people put in an envelope without their names on it and it goes in a box. If they think that constitutes a business we’re in trouble in this country. But we will throw a party Saturday? You bet we will.”