Colorado Home Will Leave You Gobsmacked And Counting Chandeliers

To be overwhelmed with wonder and surprise is to be gobsmacked. Boys and girls, gobsmacked is the word of the day — at least the word that offers the best description for how you will feel after you see the house featured in this week’s column.

I know, I know, I can sense the doubt amongst you wonderful readers. But let me tell you a little somethin’, somethin’ — this house brings the receipts. The gobsmacked receipts. 

The receipts are that you can count the number of chandeliers and be wrong every single time because there are so many. The receipts are that you can count the number of different wall coverings/wallpaper/textures. The receipts are all the different shapes, colors, and designs of tile. Receipts baby. Gobsmacked receipts is what this house brings. 

Consider this photo your warning. This five-bedroom, three-bath house is located at 10704 Engelmann Avenue, Poncha Springs, Colorado. The home has 2,264 square feet and the owners are asking $825,000. That price is in U.S. currency, not Monopoly money. I just want to make that clear before we go inside.

“Welcome to this one-of-a-kind, custom-built home that is the quintessence of lavish interior design and high-end finishes!” No, really, that is the first line of the description the Realtor wrote after being drugged, I am sure. But wait, there is more.

There is a chandelier right as you come in the door along with the chandelier in the middle of the room. Then there is the wood along the wall that is horizontal in contrast to the wood on the opposite wall that is vertical and the wood from both of those walls does not match the wood floor or each other.

Wait, it gets better. I am just getting started.

“The spacious kitchen features energy-efficient appliances, upgraded finishes, a coffee bar, and a large kitchen island.” They are just running fast and loose with that description.

I am counting at least four cabinet types, four hanging lights, three different wallpapers, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Awfully fancy lights by which to drop a deuce, eh?

If RuPaul is gobsmacked, we are all in trouble.

Two bedrooms, four different chandeliers, and are those Murphy beds or can we expect a horde of barbarians to come through the walls?

I give you this sink. It is the only thing that comes close to matching its surroundings. It is rather odd though but at least it comes close to matching something. 

Pop quiz everybody, how many chandeliers did you see in this house? I am just going to wait right here until you are done counting. It may be a while.

For more photos go here.