This Nebraska Home Takes Work-Life Balance to the ‘Chop Shop’

The first home the Gusman and I purchased was in a transitional neighborhood. The guy who lived directly behind us ran a chop shop. It was such a mess. Needless to say, the first home improvement project the Gusman and I invested in was putting up an eight-foot fence.

In our case, the other side of the fence was filled with carburetors, other miscellaneous car parts, vermin, pestilence, and oil spots. The first neighborhood-wide party we threw was when this guy moved. It was a heck of a parade. There was much rejoicing.

What got me thinking about our chop shop neighbor is the house featured in this week’s column. The difference is that this is a more upscale chop shop — but not really. You’ll see.

This place is oozing curb appeal. Am I right?

Chop. Shop. Chop shop.

It would appear that driving through the town of Alliance, Nebraska is complete and total mayhem because all their road signs are in this building. Forget about finding your long-lost pal on Calamity Gulch because the street sign is currently being used as crown moulding.

That’s a cute little hidey-hole to duck into when the po-po show up to retrieve their street signs.

Rusty sheet metal and a sign of a musk ox asking if you are pooping is probably the most on point home decor I have ever seen in all of the homes I have ever written about. An absolute 10 out of 10. No notes.

Follow the math: rust colored furniture plus rusty sheet metal equals you putting numerous reminders in your calendar to go get your tetanus shot. That is absolutely not an appointment you can just put off for a more convenient time.

Oh, well, yes yes. Let’s just sidle right up to the door on the wooden barrels and pour ourselves a drink or two or three or four… You get the picture.

Ah yes, the kitchen and dining area. I cannot think of a better place for what looks to be one-half of an emergency door. This is one of the craziest places I’ve ever seen.

The only saving grace is the bedroom.

Let’s see, there’s carpeting and a throw that matches the pillows. The furniture didn’t come from Ethan Allen but it doesn’t look as though it were pulled out of the dumpster. Let’s give these folks some snaps.

I know what you’re thinking. Where’s the chop shop? Hold, please.

What can I say? This is the epitome of a perfect work-from-home setup. Chop & Shop. Chop shop.

This more than 8,000-square-foot home is located in Alliance, Nebraska and is listed for $575,000.